The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I realize that the Kentucky Derby is tomorow. It gives me a bad feeling in my heart and stomach because this is the first time that I will be watching it alone. XAH likes to bet on it and no matter where we were in our relationship, we managed to sit and watch it, pick horses etc. Sometimes if i picked the winner he would throw me a 20. Funny how milestones no matter how insignificant can really 'get you'.
I know where you're coming from Yarncrazy. My memories of the Kentucky Derby make me anxious, because it was always a day when my AH wanted to start drinking very early in the day, and continue into the evening. It never had a good outcome.
My memories of good times and bad times are often jumbled together - fun nights with friends, and the way AH would tilt his head when too drunk to see straight, nights out just the two of us and anxiously counting drinks, milestones and wonderful moments colored by disappointment and embarassment of the disease. It is complicated, ugly, and beautiful too and yes, anniversaries, holidays etc. bring it all up over and over again.
I try to keep my mind in the present because I get obsessive over these memories, especially painful moments. Yarncrazy my (semi)daily practice to focus my mind is knitting or crochet This post reminded me to get back to it after missing quite a.few.days. Thank you
That is awesome! I grew up sewing and doing embroidery when I was young - my mom taught me. My grandma still knits, but she lives far away so I taught myself how to do it in college, picked up crochet more recently - I liked doing complex knit lace patterns until I had a baby, less sleep and less time to work on projects. Now my brain likes granny squares and still fun but easy to memorize crochet lace patterns. I had to simplify lol
This post reminded me to get back to it after missing quite a.few.days. Thank you