The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The reading today discusses Step 5 and how at first glance, it appears to be daunting. Most of us spent so much energy and time into hiding the truth as we had fear of rejection from others. After all, we had tried so hard to be perfect and present the perfect front Most of us were isolated and lonely as if we'd already been rejected.
As we work the steps, and realize how painful it is to continue living this way, we become more willing. Finding a sponsor and asking for help propels us to move forward. Working the 5th Step with a sponsor and sharing some of our shameful characteristics and attitudes often brings no surprises to the surface. Most sponsors have felt what we felt, done what we did and lived with many of the same dynamics.
Until you work the 5th step, you can no imagine how common we are in this program. The 5th step also reveals to us how that which we felt made us different actually often is what brings us closely together in healing.
Today's reminder --- Many have known shame and fear and many have know joy. Sharing mine with others today will make my ride through life a smoother one.
Today's quote from As We Understook --- Deepdown I had the nagging knowledge that there would be no real relief from myself until I could bring my problem out in the open and talk to somebody else about it ...
For me, coming from the other side of the rooms, I knew that 'my secrets kept me sick'. I was so focused outside myself that I didn't truly recognize my own insanity. I really believed that anyone and everyone would act and react as I had if they were experiencing what I was. Screaming, pleading, begging for the drinking to stop and blaming others for all the chaos/drama was my partial insanity caused by living with this disease. Controlling others, counting drinks, sniffing clothes, looking for hidden items - these were not the actions of a sane functional adult. My obsessive thinking and crazy-making actions were hugely contributing to the chaos in my home and I learned how to see my part, and work on me for saner thinking and actions.
I can say that working the steps to the best of my ability and using the program tools have helped me be a better version of me. I learned in this program not only to keep the focus on me, but to detach with love from others and to accept and embrace them exactly as they are - diseased and ill. I am truly grateful that I can separate the disease from my qualifiers most days, and that I have been able to find joy and serenity - as a result of Al-Anon.
TGIF everyone - make it a great day!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hi IAH Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this very important Step. When I first reviewed the Steps-- 4 and 5 looked daunting and I feared I would never succeed. I kept coming back and by working with my sponsor and using the slogans, I began to have the courage to peek within and uncover what I was doing that "Hurt Me".First I discovered that I had tried many times to change myself and failed I always reverted back to old tapes. The anger, resentment, self pity and fear that I tried to hide deep within drove my actions. I feared that was "Me" and there was nothing else My sponsor assured me that under those negative defenses I had buried my true self and by working the Steps I would uncover this Self and know how to express myself in a healthy fashion This was so true
Keeping the focus on myself and examining my motives soon revealed my painful tools and how much a feared that what my family and the alcoholics said about me was true. My sponsor encouraged me to work this Step pointing out that I was human and had no doubt responded as most had. Today I can accept my humanity , allow others to be as imperfect as I am and continue to seek recovery.
Thank you alanon.
Today I am little sad as it is the 9th anniversary of the loss of my son Although I miss him each day I can still feel the love and warm memories that I cherish Thanks to this Step and the fantastic support of alanon friends .
Betty: I got on your site. The condolences really moved me. I am crying right now. As you know I will be 50 this year also. I feel something special for us born in 1966. Gone way too soon. Do something special for yourself today. I think I will light a candle in his memory.
(((Betty))) - I am sure this is a sad day for you.....May you feel the warmth of the huge hug I am sending to you and know that we cherish you every day, all day long....
I too visited the beautiful site where you share your memories and his story. What a lovely young man - determined and kind and loving. He was a gift - thank you for sharing him with us. I too will light a candle in his memory and for loving peace to you today and each day.
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I struggled w step 5 before sharing some of the secrets. Some if them will probably never be revealed. They say that you are only as sick as your secrets. I guess I am not totally ready to let go of my worse. Again we all need to give things up to the God of our understanding. I have made progress & am not perfect.
Thank you IAH- I appreciate your kind words and the candle . Setting up that site really helped in the grieving process. It cheers me each time I visit.
This step is a very big one for me, and one that has truly helped me find some peace. All of my life I have tried so hard to be the perfect daughter, the perfect friend, and the perfect wife. I hid so many bad things that happened, because I felt responsible for the, because I didn't prevent them from happening. As I started to heal, I learned how freeing it is to release the imperfections, and to recognize that the actions of others are their problems, not mine. What a gift, and thank you IAH for your service.
Betty, I looked at your website, and it brought me to tears. What a special blessing he was to your life. We share something special. My Dad, my uncle, and cousin were all race car drivers. My two sons are both gearheads, and one of them races now too. I will definitely be lighting a candle in his honor tonight, and praying for you. (((Betty)))
Thank you Betty for all that you share on here and for sharing the beautiful memorial site with all of us. Your son was a beautiful boy and I could feel the essence of him as a person through those pages. It seems that those who have suffered the greatest losses develop the capacity for great wisdom and faith both of which you have. Please know that although I do not know you, I stand alongside you today in this moment as you continue to grieve the loss of your son.
