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I've been dealing with my sister's disease and to get along have walked on egg shells. We have a family farm together. She has been verbally abusive to me and just mean. It has to all go her way in everything. I started adding boundaries and have gotten major pushback. Her attitude in my opinion is to be ticked at me and continue to figure out ways she can upset me. She has stolen, continues to lie, it just goes on and on.
After 14 years I decided to protect myself from her anger and bad decisions. It's come down to making an appointment with an attorney. Communication at this point may only be through an attorney. Hopefully it won't cost a lot but if I can afford it, it would be so much better not to have communication and contact. It's sad in a way but I have to live my life and not let her actions manipulate me and take my joy away. After dealing with crap for such a long time, I'm trying to find my joy again. I'm trying to have faith the business part will work out. Not having contact with her these last few weeks has actually been a relief. I never thought I'd say that.
I haven't used an attorney when having to deal with a sibling so that one is tough. I have empathy for you and her that it comes down to this. For me, with siblings, I learned to take the lighter non-aggressive approach replying to them with tritenesses such as "Oh well" or "I understand" or "I'm sure you can handle it" (whatever it was) and then detaching and moving on. I don't have an expectation on or about how they are to handle me...just let go and let God. ((((hugs))))
Its so difficult when we first begin to set boundaries. I had to with my son and I found that I had to be consistent and I had to take action. I tried really hard to mean what I say and dont say it mean. So if he was verbally abusive I would clearly state that I wont listen to name calling etc and I would leave the room, if he continued I left the room , if he followed I left the building and went a walk. It kind of was that simple. The boundary was mine. I decided I wouldn't listen to verbal abuse so I didnt. It was all about me. The consequence of my boundary is that my son no longer verbally abuses me.
I still see a lot of my son. He no longer lives with me and my boundary for me is that I will not live with active drinking again. My boundary, my job to act to defend and protect it. I wish you luck with your sister, and if you need to take this kind of action to protect yourself and your own boundaries then your motives are the right ones. Its when we take action with the motive to change the drinker, stop the drinking then we are playing God and who do we think we are?
((Cindy)) It sounds as if you have made a healthy decision and choice for yourself. Although I have not had a similar situation I can applaud your actions and send positive thoughts and prayers to support you.
(((Cindy))) - I have no experience in business dealings with siblings - so sorry that it's an issue for you.....I do however want to say that setting boundaries and practicing self-care is a great healthy thing for you....and that's all we can really worry about - ourselves, our joy and our peace.
I too have had push-back when I establish boundaries - for me, the more consistent I am, the better the outcome. When I waffle, it creates new scenarios that often seem to leave me with the short end of the rope. Keep doing what you are doing and enjoy your new found peace.
Keep coming back - positive thoughts and prayers headed your way from my part of the world!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
You are taking a 'first things first' approach which is very good! Because you have business dealings, you are handling your conflicts as such - this is good detachment. Similar to how I went through divorce from my exAH of 20 years. My attorney used to say 'limit your contact because it is too emotional. Let me do the 'business' for you, this is what I am paid to do. ' Attorneys are not emotionally invested, take nothing personally. and they know the laws and work by facts of the matter at hand for the best outcome for their clients.
Well done!
Hugs,
Cyndi
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"There will be an answer. Let it be." ~ The Beatles
