The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays C2C (and yes, I've checked and double checked that I have the right one this time, lol) speaks about how when many of us come to al-anon, we don't know who we are. Many of us have spent a lifetime knowing all about the wants, needs, opinions, likes and dislikes of everyone around us but had no idea of our own wants, needs, likes etc.
It suggests that al-anon gives us the 12 steps so that we can rediscover ourselves, highlighting the deep insights and self acceptance we gain in step 4 and 5, and the fact that by listening in meetings and identifying with others we gain insight into our own thoughts and feelings.
The writer describes knowing themselves much better now and suggests that al-anon has given them the only thing that was ever theirs to keep- their own self.
The reading reminds us that recovery means "to get something back" and, that something is ourselves.
"If a man happens to find himself....he has a mansion which he can inhabit with dignity all the days of his life". (James Michener)
***
And how true.
The quote brought back a really apt memory, because, when i was about 7 or 8, I attempted to read a James A Michener book; I believe it was Chesapeake, lol, and of course it was so BORING for a child (I might enjoy it as an adult) but I kept trying because, my step-father had just finished it and I wanted...what? For him to think I was smart, or that we were alike, or...something. It's hilarious when I think back on it. I can think of a million examples of this; me trying to like and enjoy things so as to fit in with others and be likable instead of knowing what I enjoyed myself. That really drives home for me how very much I could only see myself through other people's eyes and it's easy to see how I ended up abandoning doing anything other than focusing on everyone else and their wants and needs. Like many other people here, i reached a point where if you asked me what i thought/wanted/needed/liked I would tell you what my daughter liked or what my partner was going to do or....
(For example, "Oh, well, HE is trying to find a job and then he wants to move to a bigger house and....") If someone pushed me to tell them about MYSELF it was very uncomfortable and at first upsetting because I honestly didn't know; I was a complete stranger to myself.
I love how this reading describes the tools as being for rediscovering ourselves, and that recovery is about finding something...us. I remember when I began the steps and started to really uncover who I was, I felt like I was meeting me for the first time. back when I viewed myself in terms of how others saw me, I despised myself but when i began to learn to get to know myself I discovered someone I actually really rather enjoy and decided to make her my new best friend. That is a much happier arrangement for me. Yay!
-- Edited by missmeliss on Wednesday 4th of May 2016 07:22:16 AM
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Thank you for your post and service Miss Meliss. When I read this today I thought--before Alanon who I was was based on how I thought others perceived me, or even based on how people in my life were behaving! Yikes-- Now I am feeling that who I am is where it begins, and radiates outwardly from there.
Great reading and share Ms.M.and Mary. This is an important page and concept It does outline the recovery program in alanon and how we can rediscover ourselves. Love the quote and can say that even after all these years in program, I am still uncovering that" self" How great is that. Thanks for your service Have a lovely day
It makes me think of the movie, The Runaway Bride. Julia Roberts plays a woman who keeps getting cold feet, and runs away from weddings. Richard Gere's character studies her for a while, and meets with some of the men she left at the altar. Something he learned was that she really didn't know who she was. With each of her former beaus, she ate the kind of eggs they liked. When she ordered her eggs, at breakfast, she ordered the same kind of eggs they did...scrambled, fried, Eggs Benedict, etc. He finally confronted her and told her that she didn't really know what kind of eggs she liked, and that she changed herself to be what the men wanted her to be.
Later in the movie, taste tests all kinds of eggs, and does some processing. She goes to Richard Gere and tells him that she finally realized why she left all of the other men at the altar. She said that with each of those relationships, she tried to be exactly what they wanted her to be. She didn't know herself. But, Richard Gere knew the real person she was. She then told him that she tried all of the other eggs, and she loves Eggs Benedict, and hates all of the other types of eggs.
When I look back on my past relationships, now that I'm in Al-Anon, I recognize that I was a lot like Julia Roberts. I conformed myself because I wanted to be loved. I agreed to things that I knew were wrong, just to be accepted. Now that I have come to recognize my enabling behavior, I'm starting to learn who I really am, and I'm a pretty awesome person.
Thank you for all of your shares, and for your service, MissM. Hugs to all of you.
Today's reading is a great one - thanks MissMel for your service and for the daily here! Thanks also to those above me who shared - love the ESH here! I read the reading this morning and then again outloud at my meeting. It's a powerful one that for me, truly talks about the power and magic of this program.
For me, focusing on me sounded almost ridiculous - I had 2 children, 1 dog, 1 home, 1 job, education, carpool, parents, etc. all to 'deal with'.....that's where my thinking was flawed - I took it upon myself to assume their well-being and happiness was my responsibility. Hummmph....
I learned in the program that it was my responsibility to take care of me, and be of service. Being of service meant helping when asked - not just because. I learned to stop doing for others what they could do for themselves. I learned that intervening between someone else's actions and consequences changed their journey and was an act of controlling. I basically learned that the majority of my time/energy/effort was spent on people, places and things beyond my control...
So - working the steps and working the program to the best of my ability showed me who I really am - and this reading sums it up. I am passionate, loving, kind, funny and so much more. I enjoy all kinds of things that I had ignored or forgotten for a lifetime it seems. I've found me again, and now believe that no matter if I lived in a treehouse, I would be able to have happiness, joyfulness and be free of who I used to be.
Happy Hump Day to one and all - lovely reading and lovely shares!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I know myself better now than ever before & since Alanon. I know who I am & actually learning to love myself. The reading made me really want to post after a reading in C2C. I am loveable likeable & accepted by people in & out of the program. I hope this pertains to the reading. I am happy to know that I can contribute to this all of this. Life in general. I am a woman that I think earns respect daily.
