I had a complete internal meltdown this morning. The OCD Genie has been out of his bottle just lately. I hate that guy.

We had a night and a day of really extreme weather and I was up most of the night listening to things bang around in the wind. There were lots of warnings to stay indoors, park cars away from trees and powerlines etc, you know the drill. Well I get all weird about my car and never feel I've put it in a good spot. Do I leave it out in the open where something could blow down the street and hit it, or next to the house where a bit of our dodgy roof could blow down onto it (ridiculous anxiety much?) I moved it about 5 times; I must have looked completely mental to the neighbours.

I guess, I haven't owned anything of value before and I can only afford 3rd party insurance; also, I'm only just starting to really enjoy driving and I'm scared that it'll be taken away somehow. Dumb stuff, but that's what's in my head. I really like having a car.

Anyway this morning I drove to the train station and there was no parking at all. I drove around hoping to find a spot and missed my train, then drove around the streets (still no spots) and missed another train. That's 40 minutes of driving around and around which is just stupid but I wasn't alone; the parking situation there is just terrible. 

Anyway I finally found a spot, decided it was good and then when I looked back I realised it was under a tree with a really big dodgy looking branch waving around over it in the insane wind. So I got back in and drove around some more, crying by now because the absurdity of the situation, missing trains and just driving around in circles for so long. Former me would have just gone back home and gotten into bed but I was determined not to let fear keep me at home so I drove and cried like a big weird baby until I ended up back in the same spot under the tree. Which clearly no-one else was parking in for the same reason...it was under a big tree in a gale force wind.

I backed as far back from the branch as possible, had a chat with my HP and got on the train and then my mother called and I told her about it, and she told me I was stupid, and I'd better go back and move the car, and only an idiot would park near a tree in that wind and on and on. Gee, thanks mum! But I thought, you know, the branch held up through a whole night of crazy wind and the council has cut back all the trees in the street so they must have thought that branch was OK and I went to school and worried all day and of course when I got back the car was just fine so I thanked the tree (lol) and went home.

Anyway my grandmother called as soon as I got in the door and I told her of my silly day spent worrying a tree would fall on my car and she said "You just have to make the best choices you can and then hope it's OK, you can't give in to fear all the time" which was unusual advice from her. I laughed and said I wish I'd told you instead of mother because she said I was crazy and should go back and move the car. Anyway, she said "I think you should just not tell your mother when you are worried about something" and I thought, yeah. It's simple really lol. My mother does some wonderful things (like buying me the car in the first place) and I appreciate her but emotional support isn't her thing so why keep going to the hardware store for bread?

Anyway I beat myself up half the day over it, because I couldn't figure out a solution other than driving around and getting upset. But really, I got where I needed to go, albeit late, conquered the stupid fear and learned a few lessons along the way so it was a success if I let it be. To have such a small thing overshadow my entire day is just nuts. I just feel like such a child sometimes and it frustrates me so much; there are all of these simple things that other people manage just fine and I am only now learning to do. I let myself live in a bubble for such a long time telling myself I didn't want to drive or have a career or any of that stuff because I was too scared to try and now some days I feel like a big almost 40 year old infant. Gah.