The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Spent thurs,Fri,sat and 1/2 sunday at his house. We worked so hard at our yard sale there,im exhausted. Anyway, during a lull a kind of strange friend of his sidled up to me and said, " you should stop talking about your X because H doesnt like it[ H is my boyfriend]. So when H and I were taking a break, I said to him that his friend said that u dont like me talking about my X Why didnt u tell me sooner? He said that he had intended to and he understood whil X keeps coming up as legal business with him isnt finalized yet etc. Then I felt bad and thought,my goodness I have been constantly talking about the X. That wasnt good because I want to be careful with this new relationship and dont want to talk about X. So I told him that I will try not to talk about him. Also He agreed to try not to bring up his X. You see, H and I are so close, I forget and treat him like a girlfriend in some ways.
Hey Alyce - hope the yard sale was productive!!! I am glad that you were able to talk to him and reason it out and compromise. That seems to be a great resolution for an issue that was brought up.
Good to 'see' you!! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Alyce it sounds s if the Yard sale was successful I am happy for you.
Upon entering Al-Anon, I made the decision to stop gossiping, judging, criticizing or blaming others. In working the steps, it was revealed to me that I can talk about myself without talking about others, and this enhances all my relationships. It took practice but is well worth it.
Keeping the focus on ourselves, being where our feet are and" being in the present moment" works. I'm glad that you talked things over and reasoned things out.
I'm guilty of this too, I know what you mean. I sit and moan and complain about ex H to my partner and then wonder why he pulls away and seems annoyed; you'd think I'd know by now. No one wants to think too much about their partner with someone else!!
Did the sale make much of a dent in his "collection"?
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
It's hard when we have a past and we're still moving on from it while we're in a new relationship. I rarely bring up my ex to my new bf unless I'm totally feeling overwhelmed and against the wall and it just comes spilling out. Honestly, that's where my program friends come in and I call them first. I want to have fun with my man, I want to enjoy the moments we have together so I work hard to keep my mouth shut unless he specifically asks or unless I'm feeling super stressed and actually do need his help in judging a situation.
hugs to you friend, I'm glad that have a good man in your life who is wiling to open up and talk to you. Have a great day!~
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
thanks to all my alanon friends here. you have been my voice of sanity and helping hearts and im grateful to all of u. No, was really strange, not much a dent in his huge collection. We were hoping for some film buffs or music lovers to cart away alot. Now they will go to a blind charity, a local senior center and a childrens hospital.
