Today's reading discusses seeing ourselves as we truly are today, in time, vs. how we perhaps felt as we grew up.  Many of us grew up with guilt and blame, amidst harsh criticism and constant fear.  The writer discusses that even now, after years of recovery, past mistakes can come forward and reactions may include guilt, exaggerating the importance and self criticism.

In Al-Anon recovery, we learn to see ourselves more realistically.  We may slip because of how the disease of alcoholism affects us, and we've also made mistakes beyond the disease.  We realize that we are not evil, we are human and we need to treat ourselves accordingly.

As we grow in recovery, we become more ready to believe in ourselves and our ability to make positive contributions to our own lives.  We are free to see a mistake without blowing them up into larger than life scenarios.  We are learning to stop repeating those errors and we can make amends when we have done harm.

Today's reminder --- I will not chain myself to the past with self-defeating guilt, or by inflating the importance of my errors.  Instead, I want to face my past and heal old wounds so that I may move forward into a richer, fuller and more joyous life.

Today's quote from John C. Lilly - "You don't have to suffer continual chaos in order to grow."

For me, I can so relate to the quote.  Before I came to recovery, upon awakening, my brain began and never stopped.  I did not sleep well - I passed out from exhaustion and was restless, irritable and discontent always while awake.  I felt as if my life was full of chaos and drama and felt like a failure in so many areas.

I was one who grew up with a healthy fear of parents, teachers, adults and authority figures.  I had tons of guilt and shame when I arrived at the doors of Al-Anon.  I was so blocked from the solution that I truly could not see the forest for the trees.

In recovery, I've learned that I am human, I do make mistakes but I don't have to dwell on them and can learn and grow.  By working the steps of this program, I can see my part, make amends and work to let go that which I am powerless over.  It is freeing to no longer obsess over others or the past.  It is equally enjoyable to not project into the future or judge my qualifiers for a disease they did not choose.  I am most at peace when I can stay present, focused on the here and now.

TGIF MIP Family!!!  (((Hugs))) to all!