The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So I stopped going to my meetings a few months ago and stopped coming here. I was struggling very much with pulling away from my ABF and I felt like Al Anon was playing a part in that. So I detached from my program. Then I just felt gilt from that. I felt like I had betrayed myself and my Al Anon family from not being committed to my program. Now I'm at rock bottom again. My ABF is starting to get sick from all hes putting himself though with drugs. He very weak physically and mentally. This weekend he accused me of still being in love with my Ex from over 10 years ago. Totally not the case. Then he said sorry and than he asked me to marry him. After all that he got very sick and took a break now he going though withdrawals and is lashing out at me. I have been trying to keep my distance and stay strong I pray everyday that I can find clarity and that my HP will get us both though this. I love this man so much and I know I cant save him, I can only save myself.. So I'm just going to keep praying.
In my face to face meeting last night, we discussed the wonderful nature of Al Anon, in that people leave for years, come back, and are welcomed right back. No guilt involved, so please don't feel any. It's part of Take what you like, and leave the rest. Sometimes everything feels like "the rest", and we have to be ready for whatever may be next.
I began going to Al-anon f2f meetings about 2 years before I reached my bottom and my life imploded. Earlier I went for a couple months and then thought that I had a handle on my life. How wrong I was. When I started back, it was my time the right time. I was ready to work on me and accept that I had not control over anything but me!
Welcome back (((Me))) - good to see you! Your post speaks volumes - you can only save yourself. You can pray for the courage to change that which you can, and practice self-care and program principles and you'll be back to it. I so agree with Kenny - no guilt in walking away or returning; the beautiful part of the program is in the no judgement and total acceptance of all who walk through the doors!
Keep coming back!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene