The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ive been pondering this and thinking about what it was about my own journey that helped me commit to this program. I know that i reached a bottom, a place of utter hoplessness. I had finally run out of my own ideas and solutions, that were of course not solutions. I remember feeling like putting my hands up and thinking i need help. The first time ever really so maybe it was my pride that kept me on the merrygoround. I think it was also a weird mix of big ego and no self esteem or self worth because i still thought i had the answers to fix the mess that was my life but i was just not trying hard enough, i was too stupid but it was inside me somewhere. Do you know what i mean? My self talk was awful but my enlarged ego blocked humility and learning.
I had surrendered utterly. I had already had an awakening of some sort. I truly became aware that this, the drinking of my son and the mess my family was in was way beyond me and i reached out for the first time. I went to a meeting and felt at home right away and because i had already realised my way of thinking, living, my own ideas and efforts were not working my mind was wide ooen and i began immediately to try new things like detaching. My thinking changed completely and within a few short months i was actually happy. I had hope right away and every meeting, reaidng was making a huge difference in my life and the changes were showing in my family too. Just like the preamble says, when one person begins thinking rationally the whole family benefit.
My question to you guys is, is surrender on some level or other conditional to a persons recovery or interpretation of the program?
Hi LC In my opinion it is. Letting go of EGO, becoming teachable, humble and accepting is a process and unless I surrendered to the principles of this program, learned how to be honest, and ask for help I would not have found my way through the Steps and slogans.
Of coarse it may take time and baby steps to get there and i am so happy that I found this program and my new life. Glad that you are here as well.
For me, acceptance of the disease got me to the meetings/program. I had to surrender my will, my ego, my own insanity to recover. If all I did was go to meetings, I would have a temporary reprieve from the insanity that this disease causes. However, if I wanted to change and recover, I believe it was necessary for me to let go, let God and surrender. As I think back, I had so many distorted views, values, expectations and perceptions. More is still revealed to me each day as I remain open minded and open hearted.
So, for me to get over the hump of self-will and ego, and truly find serenity, and joy - I had to surrender. Great topic for discussion!! Thanks for the post and ESH ladies!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
YESSSSSS.... go figure I learned to not trying to win was actually winning. I actually screamed !!"UNCLE"!! and was done completely. Who came up with that for me or in me was way beyond me...it was not my nature to shout out UNCLE and it was only the second time I did it...the first time when I was about 14 and being held in a headlock I could not seem to get out of. The friend I was wrestling with was beyond fearful of letting go of it and asked my brother, "What do I do" and my brother replied you got two choices...Let go of the headlock and run like hell or hold on to it forever...if he catches you, you're done. Thank God for UNCLES. Surrender is vital and will save your life. ((((hugs))))...you're an angel el-cee .
Oh Jerry - you gave me chills....I had 3 brothers growing up and they were all older than me. I think I said UNCLE more times between ages 7-17 than most! Brought a smile to my face though - boy they were a handful and then some. And people wonder where "I got it"....
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
When i arrived at the doors of alanon i was
On rock bottom. I dont know if emotionally i
could have been any lower.
I just sat listened, learned and absorbed for
A long time, i also cried a lot. I read all my
Alanon Books and daily readers. It calmed
Me down.
I just kept showing up trying to get getter
And learn what i needed to, so i could heal
and grow. I come from it and i married into
it. It was a slow process for me.
My fixing was not working and i kept trying
And things kept getting worse even with us
Both in recovery. I did have to eventually call
Out Surrender and hand over my self will. I
could Not fix it only God could and it might
not be What i wanted either. You can only
Beat your head against a brick wall for so
Long.
The rest is just baby steps, doing the next
Best thing. Using the program to strengthen
Myself and go forward in my recovery. One
Day to a time.
