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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Moved this post by CheezyNana a new member from Sticky
Post Info TOPIC: Moved this post by CheezyNana a new member from Sticky
hotrod


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Moved this post by CheezyNana a new member from Sticky
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CheeezyNana

 

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Date: 6m ago
 
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Hi ! 
Several comments on the message boards indicate the importance of attending local Al Anon meetings. 
Are there ways to know that an Al Anon group is focused on Recovery?

I have been a part of one local group for two years. Each week we read approved books with short stories. The stories are fine,
but when it's time to share the same people say the exact same thing about their same problems that happened decades ago.
Several members divorced the Alcoholic in their life over 20 years ago and others have husbands that quit drinking over 15 years ago.
A few grew up with an alcoholic parent. I am the only one dealing with an active alcoholic husband and daughter.
Also, I am the last 'newcomer' to this group. 

I do feel sympathy for the chaos that was their former life decades ago, but they sound like a broken record
when sharing all the doom and gloom that used to be their life. They don't seem to embrace that they are free from all that chaos. 

Another problem I have is that I feel being anonymous is the same as being invisble.
I realize that being anonymous is one of the rules of Al Anon, but I feel that it puts up a wall. 


I completely understand the need for anonymity on the internet, but not with a group of people
you've been sharing with each week for the past two years at a local church classroom. 
The routine is to sit down, take turns reading, share your thoughts, then the meeting is over.
Then put the chairs away and drive away in a hurry.


I have learned a lot from reading several of the messages here at this site. 
I appreciate the honest, optimistic, caring and hopeful attitudes of so many that post here. 

I do believe that following the 12 steps, the slogans and working the program are keys to living your best life,
but I need someone to explain to me how attending an AlAnon meeting is helpful, not depressing. 


ANYway, any guidance about "face to face" Al Anon meetings would be helpful. 

Thank you. 





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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
hotrod


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Welcome to Miracles in Progress. I am sorry that the face to face meeting that you have found is not supportive of your recovery.  It is suggested that you try 6 different meetings before deciding if alanon is for you.  I found Step and slogan meetings support my needs best.  Meetings are important because they help to break the isolation  caused by living with the disease and provide a safe environment in which to develop new tools to  live by and a supportive community to practice with
 As for anonymity, It is a basic Spiritual principle that asks that we leave all our titles, and accomplishments outside the rooms so as to  discover" Who" we are .
Keep coming back  


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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Jerry F


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Cheezy I was a stubborn sort during the disease and during my recovery.

 

I chose my path and held out to follow it.  My sponsor helped to guide my path and he was "the" voice of suggestion that came first.  There were lots of commentators as there always is in life and I accepted that and since I had no power over them I just listened, took what I liked and left the rest.  I didn't have to many hard feelings as I reserved those to my alcoholic/addict and the disease.  There isn't and wasn't ever a perfect member in the program then or now and I keep that in mind.  I don't go to program for anyone other than myself much of the time in order to get another version of recovery I come home to Miracles in progress and read and listen that way.  My early sponsor once directed me to  understand that the Al-Anon Fellowship is full of sick people looking to get well including myself.  It has done well by me and I will keep coming back leaving my expectations at the curb.   ((((hugs)))) hmm



-- Edited by Jerry F on Sunday 24th of April 2016 11:26:19 PM

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el-cee


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Hi and welcome. Ive read a lot newcomers who come and arent happy with their homegroup. I dont think any alanon group can be perfect and at times I have found myself listening for the 'differences' instead of the similarities. I would always try to take it back to me first. Do you feel you may be critical still as one of your shortcomings? do you feel intolerant still? Is your mind closed to the golden nuggets that usually come through in every meeting for me? Im saying this not to critisise you but to maybe encourage you to look at yourself first and then if you feel that the group has strayed from the traditions then I suggest raising this at your next group conscious meeting. If there is none of these then suggest one. this way you can say your not happy as you feel.... This is what Alanon is all about learning to take responsibility for our lives and it sounds like your higher power is giving you the chance here.

My ex husband is an alcoholic and my 22 yr old son shows signs. My group is made up of wives, mostly, daughters, sons, parents, brothers, sisters. A wide mix and I hear what I ned from everyone of them at one time or another. the disease is the same, the symptoms are the same. The fine details will be different for everyone and having a child can be extra challenging, well in my own experience but the solutions are identical for everyone. Meetings, readings, sponsor, helping others.

The anonymity is hugely important in Alanon. I would never have returned if it wasnt the foundation principle. I lived with such shame and embarrassment, spen years hiding it. Also some are dealing with domestic abuse so the anonymity is extra important. Maybe your expectations of Alanon is the issue for you. If you are looking for a social life and close connections first before recovery then a meeting will be disappointing. Alanon is about recovery first and you will find the closeness and friendships do come. Good luck.



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Iamhere


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Good morning Cheezy - welcome to MIP....so glad you found us and so glad you joined. When Al-Anon was first suggested to me, I did go to a meeting that fit best in my schedule. It was a huge group and I was broken, sad, anxious and a bit overwhelmed. I went twice and then set out to try another group/two. I am fortunate to live near a large metro area so did have choices.

The second group was a bit smaller and I was still broken, sad, anxious and a bit overwhelmed. I went a couple times and felt a bit better each time. I spoke with my sponsor about it, and she suggested I consider what was causing my feelings which was causing resistance. What I figured out is that I had lived in the chaos of the disease for so long, my outlook and expectations were distorted and I really didn't look for the good in anything. She encouraged me to keep going, which I did as I needed the support.

The second group became my home group. I started out just attending meetings and then slowly talked to more folks. I now text with a few, am facebook friends with a few, have email addresses and phone numbers for yet a few more - because I reached out, not the reverse. We each are responsible for our own journey and if I want a relationship/friendship/sponsorship with another member, I have to reach out, and I've never been rejected.

So, my suggestions are to try another meeting. If you have no other options, try to engage - help stack chairs, make coffee, pick up/clean up after, ask someone to coffee/lunch and if you still aren't getting what you need, have a heart to heart with your sponsor. There are 2 meetings here each day - schedule is at the top left. I am not sure what part of anonymity concerns you, but the concept exists so people can open up and share from the heart without fear of 'it' getting outside of the group and/or others knowing they are in a program of recovery. Al-Anon is judgement free zone and that isn't always the reality of the world/society.

Please keep coming back - we're a lovely lot here - working good recovery and taking it one day at a time!!

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
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