The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well I do see now how when you decide to become self-aware (recognizing and feeling your feelings) how others get upset and try to get you to change back into what you formerly were doing. This past week I have been accused twice of overthinking things/acting too old/over analytical. The same two people do not like any negative feelings, deny they have them and berate themselves and others when they do. These relationships are becoming harder to maintain because I am growing.
The funny part was I was actually empathizing. I could feel and see shame.
Anyway, a conflict started and I was really happy with how I responded. Formerly, I would feel anxiety and people please (change my behaviour) to keep the connection. This time I felt the anxiety rise and simply said .. "I disagree"
Hey Truth - good to see you......my experience has been similar - when I am growing and changing and others 'feel' it, they often just don't know how to receive it or respond to it. Just this morning in a meeting, we discussed how grateful we are to have a program that encourages growth, change, humanism and more....we actually joked that we now have it much easier than those who don't have a program - the 'earth people' not touched by this disease.
What popped in my head - to thine owns self be true.....
(((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
(((Hugs))).... I realized I carried a lot of shame for my voice being too loud (this year). I heard it often so I actually stopped speaking to please people. I felt my shame trigger and was going to stifle my voice but I responded authentically.
I also carried a lot of shame for liking to learn. I would have to change to fit in with people that would project insecurities into me. It is amazing how the word smart brought shame. Most people would use it in a derogatory way when they spoke to me. Really ... I just keep attracting people who are giving me practice in this area. The divine plan at work.
Good on you Truth; I've been practicing the same of late- saying No when i mean No, and coping with the awkward feelings and resistance from others.
It's getting easier
I was also one that stopped speaking and actually felt ashamed of the sound of my own voice. I'm very grateful to be moving past that now. Hear me roar!! lol.
(((Truth)))
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Oh Truth - my voice is loud and carries across the ocean (it seems).....I was always in trouble in school - every level - because my whispers were louder than other people's normal voice. I suppose it is what it is. I've tried to be a quieter person, but if I am humored, surprised or caught off guard, I tend to be louder than normal. It is what it is - those who hang with me know this about me - and thank goodness I am working a program, as most of what comes flying out loudly is at least appropriate - wasn't always this way!!!
You are doing your best - don't ask for more. If you are like me, you are your own worst critic...until you process and realize that you are fine and you are working your program and all is right with the world!!
You're perfect as you are and you're right where you are - we are miracles in progress!! (((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you all of you. I am not really sure how I would have gotten to this point without you. Reading your shares and sitting with what I felt. (((Hugs)))
And Jerry kicking my butt into gear to protect myself. Betty daily reading posts, missmeliss humour (you truly make me laugh), and ianhere empathy. I am very grateful you were all brought here to share my journey.
I am finding now that I am detaching my eyes
are opened Up more to the people around me,
I Am not so focused on my xah.
I am standing my ground more at work and in other
Relationships or i just walk away if its not a two way
Street. I felt like i have burdened some people i just
Let it be and i try not to take things personal.
The more alanon i practice the more everything just
Starts to come together. It just takes time to get there.
You are doing great, i work outside my office and
Thats more than enough work interaction for me.
I shudder at the thoughts of working with a bunch
Of personalities, my adult child issues would surface.
Please see this as it is intended and not as a criticism or complaint about anyone or anything! I only mention this because it has affected my own family.
Just a suggestion and not advice, but for those who feel their voice is overly loud, you may wish to consider a thorough hearing evaluation. When RAH had his hearing checked, he was hearing at such a low level that he was barely functioning in a regular environment. Too often, he mistook words people said and almost always mispronounced words (no matter how many times he was given the correct pronunciation).
He now has virtually invisible hearing aids, as does my first cousin, who is also in his 40's.
One of the things the Dr said about hearing loss is that people who have less of an ability to hear clearly speak much more loudly so they can hear their own voices. He suggested that anyone who finds themselves speaking louder than others or finds themselves being the brunt of jokes about being loud should be thoroughly tested.
It has made so much difference in the lives of the people I know who have found help with their hearing. Life is much quieter and more pleasant in their company now for sure!
Hey DoingmyBest - my hearing is just fine.....I am just a loud person. Been that way from birth. My father can't hear squat and mumbles so go figure. (((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
