The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
First, I'd like to apologize for asking a question for my RAH. He has, however, asked me to find out if there are any good AA meetings on Maui that he might attend while we are on vacation. We will be there for a few weeks at the end of this month and beginning of next month and he does not want to go that long without a meeting. I realize this is an Al-Anon board, and I should be looking for a meeting for myself, but I agreed to come here and I ask because I know there are some from Hawaii who will understand.
I would appreciate any information on good meetings for AA or Al-Anon on Maui.
Thank you so much Jerry! I knew I could count on you!
I was shocked, surprised, and perhaps a little stunned when my RAH asked about the Maui meetings and how to find out about them. I truly appreciate you taking the time to find this information for me/him. I think we may both catch a meeting while we are traveling and I'm certain I will need one because one of the family members going on the trip is a real serenity zapper for me.....lol.
He's really a good guy and a loving person, but he loves to "spar" with words and wants a "worthy opponent". He has chosen me!
I have been working very hard to set my boundaries with him and it is making a great difference in what I personally FEEL. It is strange that I needed someone else to "tell" me that I "could" set a boundary with him as well and accept only what I was willing to accept. He is not an A at all. So far it is working quite well and I am highly considering allowing him to "take" (financially and as part of their own trip) our family (RAH, Lovely Daughter, and me) on a trip to Barcelona, Florence, Venice, Montenegro, Naples, and a ton of other places I can't remember right now At the end of May and the first part of June.
This trip will have a few more "family" members on it and will be loner and more arduous (because of my physical limitations), but I think the offer to take us is extremely kind and for us is a once in a lifetime experience! He has even agreed to pay for the excursions and I will repay him over time, but the money will be deposited into an account to which I already have access and he has agreed to "gift" whatever we repay to my daughter to help in paying for her college and/or buying her a new vehicle when the time is right. She is 16 and in dual enrollment in HS and college and doing wonderfully in both at this time. I'm very proud of her for sure! He already provides her with a "checking account" and $200.00 monthly for gas and other college related expenses. Her schooling is paid for in full as part of the program she is working in our State (USA) and she is very active in the community as well, serving on many boards and committees as JR member. It is so wonderful that she has these opportunities that I did not really have.
My father was an A and it really changed the "community involvement" that we children should have had. Our grandparents were some of the community's finest members and we grandchildren (and our parents) have really let the family decline over the years. I honestly hope my daughter will be one of the people who gets back to her roots and becomes an active community member once again. Mind you. It is never too late, and RAH and I have started attending more functions over the last year (since he obtained sobriety) because it was impossible to attend before (as I'm certain everyone here fully understands). I feel it is important to take part in the community functions if we are to enjoy the life we have here. There are so many benefits to living in a small rural town which we have neglected simply because he was drunk and I was too ashamed of myself and of him to participate.
I don't know if there are others like me on this board or not, but I used to purchase basically every piece of fine jewelry or outrageously expensive piece of fashionable adornment I could possibly find just so I could pretend that my AH loved me. It was a "show" that I put on for others and, if I am honest, for myself. I felt that I could convince others what a great family we were if I showed them each new diamond ring or other item that he "bought" me (or happily allowed me to buy for myself). What a sham I was for this!!!!
It was all to hide the horrible feelings I had and the overwhelming sadness and disappointment of my husband being an A, who cared only for himself and for his "bottle".
Now I find that I enjoy spending time with my family and don't feel the need to flaunt a double hand full of jewelry everywhere I go. I get my happiness from inside and it shows on my face much more than it ever did before. Oh, I fooled some, but never did I have the sparkle in my eyes that only happiness can bring. I do have it now, not every day or even all day at times, but it is there and you can see it in photos as somehow they show the inside as much as the outside if you only take the time to look.
