The material presented
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to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi all, this is my first attempt at anything Al-anon. My work schedule is crazy and when I am off work I have kids to watch or AH goes to a meeting, so that leaves me with no opportunity for home town meetings. I keep wanting to join in the weeknight meetings on this site but haven't made it home in time yet. I've been with him for over 10 years and we have kids. He's come from a split family due to an alcoholic father, so he's never drank much. But when he does he makes stupid dangerous decisions, like driving or not being awake to watch the kids. Since he has driven in the past, I'm afraid for my kids safety. (and everyone else's) I'm concerned that they won't be taken care of to have dinner or anything else if he's passed out. He doesn't drink to excess, but he has a pattern of slipping every few months. Longest has been a year. He's generally within legal limit - if those charts online are correct. However it still impairs him or knocks him out. I came to a breaking point and threatened divorce recently. He only gets regular help right after a slip and only because he wants to keep his family together. Then he stops getting help as life happens and we fall into our normal daily routines. He's now going to meetings every day but my anger won't cease and I cry whenever I'm not angry. I know somewhere deep down I love the guy but I am so numb and closed off emotionally right now. If I kick him out my kids won't understand and will hate me for it. Plus I don't know how I can live and juggle everything on my own. It's only when I cause him pain like threats or actually kick him out that he gets short term help. I don't want to split I only feel like we should. How do functioning families with an alcoholic work things out? How do you live with the possible threat of things going back to "normal" and the danger he can cause? How do you cease the anger but still keep a level of pain to keep him wanting to go for help? I keep waiting for the day he stops going to meetings (it's been 3 weeks since his last slip), as he's always given up on his therapy after a couple visits, and would never go to AA before. Oh and we're going away on vacation soon and I'm kind of dreading that alone time with him (we can't cancel, I've tried). Any advice for me?
Welcome TL You are not alone. The simple answer to your question is that people who are living with the insanity of the disease of alcoholism attend alanon meetings in order to be able to maintain their sanity and ability to function in a constructive manner. developing new constructive tools to live by, while being supported by an understanding community is very important to living life with courage serenity and additional wisdom.
Please attempt to find the time to help yourself and keep coming back here as well
Hello TL - welcome to MIP! We are glad you found us and glad that you shared. We don't give advice in Al-Anon, but we do share our experience, strength and hope - and through shared experiences, the program, the meetings, a sponsor and self-care, we do recover from the effects of the disease. The key is to embrace the program, and the best way to do that is to attend local F2F (face to face) meetings. I do understanding that it is difficult to find the time but it is worth it for your own recovery and restoration to sanity.
The disease is progressive and is considered a family disease. I too felt numb and angry when I arrived, and underneath those two identifiable emotions was a ton of sadness and fear. Fear of failing, fear of the future, fear for my children, etc. I truly felt as if my qualifier(s) were ruining my life and THEY needed to be fixed!! What I found out in Al-Anon is that I had acquired many negative coping skills that were not working and contributing to the chaos/insanity.
The best suggestion is to work the program. Make the time, find the time - it will help you heal and deal. We need recovery as much as they do; at times we need it more. Some meetings have day-care if that helps. I tried to avoid Al-Anon for a long while, and just kept spiraling out of control. Al-Anon saved my sanity and quite possibly my life.
Keep coming back - you are not alone!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hi all, this is my first attempt at anything Al-anon. My work schedule is crazy and when I am off work I have kids to watch or AH goes to a meeting, so that leaves me with no opportunity for home town meetings. I keep wanting to join in the weeknight meetings on this site but haven't made it home in time yet. I've been with him for over 10 years and we have kids. He's come from a split family due to an alcoholic father, so he's never drank much. But when he does he makes stupid dangerous decisions, like driving or not being awake to watch the kids. Since he has driven in the past, I'm afraid for my kids safety. (and everyone else's) I'm concerned that they won't be taken care of to have dinner or anything else if he's passed out. He doesn't drink to excess, but he has a pattern of slipping every few months. Longest has been a year. He's generally within legal limit - if those charts online are correct. However it still impairs him or knocks him out. I came to a breaking point and threatened divorce recently. He only gets regular help right after a slip and only because he wants to keep his family together. Then he stops getting help as life happens and we fall into our normal daily routines. He's now going to meetings every day but my anger won't cease and I cry whenever I'm not angry. I know somewhere deep down I love the guy but I am so numb and closed off emotionally right now. If I kick him out my kids won't understand and will hate me for it. Plus I don't know how I can live and juggle everything on my own. It's only when I cause him pain like threats or actually kick him out that he gets short term help. I don't want to split I only feel like we should. How do functioning families with an alcoholic work things out? How do you live with the possible threat of things going back to "normal" and the danger he can cause? How do you cease the anger but still keep a level of pain to keep him wanting to go for help? I keep waiting for the day he stops going to meetings (it's been 3 weeks since his last slip), as he's always given up on his therapy after a couple visits, and would never go to AA before. Oh and we're going away on vacation soon and I'm kind of dreading that alone time with him (we can't cancel, I've tried). Any advice for me?
Couple of things, I don't think there's a such thing as functioning family with an alcoholic. Dad was always drinking when I was younger, I as the oldest daughter would then have to take care of the younger two children. Dad would be there but he was drunk, Always drinking and driving. Thank goodnees he never hit anyone when he was drunk, but he totaled at least two motorcycles. Children may get mad at you for what you do in making a better life for them, but you have to be willing to work with it, it's not good to grow up with an alcoholic. My mothers brothers didn't live with us, but they were both alcoholics, and they both molested me, when men are drunk they don't always know what they are doing.
