The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My father went on to do a lot of good for Other people in his
life. He was a Business man and was very well in the known
Irish catholic Community.
I think so much was my step mother Wanted nothing to do
with his first family. That issue is not even alcohol related. I
Also think He became an A after too many kids too close together
and My mother was difficult. His family were partiers not drunks,
Fine line i know. His coping skills were not great obviously.
I am okay i detached long ago, i think i will journal and think
About my feelings and thoughts. He actually was a good guy
Except he abandonned us and did not stand up to his new
Wife so a whimp.
Good Idea Miranda turn it around for your favor. I like how the program teaches that to us cause after admitting I am powerless I can hear my former sponsor asking me the question...."So now what"? I figured out "Now what" and something for myself Keep coming back....
Thank you this is where detachment
Allows you more truths. Its hard yet
My little world was not rocked like it
was In my divorce. My oldest brother
died at 48, that i really grieved.
I have felt this way about my father
For years. Its still hard and at the end
I got what i expected from him.
You cant make people into who you
Want and need them to be. Life lessons
At a early age.
He is my original qualifier, i was a daddy's girl,
We lived a good fun life when he was involved,
Big family gatherings Then everything changed.
I still have Abandonment issues from him. Thats
Where the disease keeps on giving.
(((Mirandac))) - huge hugs to you my friend - I am so sorry for your loss. I too am sending positive thoughts and prayers. They extend to all those around you who are grieving.
Find us if you need to - know that you are not alone!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
So sorry Mirandac for your loss. In the end your Father is the one that lost in this deal. Similar thing happened in my AH's life. I have to believe that in their heart of hearts the Father knows that he lost a lot by not being a Father to his first family. Thoughts and prayers for you and your family.. (((Hugs to you)))
I am sorry that I didn't post sooner. I lost my dad 4 & a half yrs. ago. It still hurts today. My dad wasn't an alcoholic but he had diabetes & later colon cancer. He wanted to go but I can't help but wish he would've lasted longer so I could've seen him. But regrets...
Now I am kind of at peace. I didn't mean to make this about me & so long. You are important. Take care.
Kathleen
It doesn't matter if you felt close, or not. He was still your father, and I know this hurts you terribly. I lost my Dad last year, and it still stings, every day. I pray that you and your family find peace.
Thank you both, my feelings and emotions
are not really surfacing Yet. I am one of those
People who likes to mull things over to process
Them.
When my step father died i was sad But did
not really grieve. It was strange i loved Him.
I think so much is my emotional attachments And
emotional bonding. They both are powerful, at
least to do with me and my xah. I am having real
hard time dealing with them and detaching.
My dysfunctional upbringing is most likely
The culprit.
Thank you both, i will just think good and
Happy things about him. Not much else to
Do. The other stuff just never changed or
Really Got much better.
After my father and i reconnected, i suggested
to My active A brother he contact him. Guess
What he did, he heard, good to hear from you,
if you need Anything give me a call. My brother
Needed a father not money. My father did the
Same with my two older brothers years before,
blew them off. My older sister did live with him
for two years That did not go real well. She moved
out the Day she turned of age and their relationship
Was very rocky.
I personally was okay because i did Not need him
for anything. It Was not much of a relationship.
Once a year 1-2 hour visit when he was in the
area with his Family. They never came with him
to visit so maybe we got together 6-10 times
We did did have many good Times. I remember
them vividly or at least the Experiences. He did
take us for awhile before He connected up with
his new wife. They had been married for 47 years
so thats how long since any Real father-daughter
emotional bonding.
So i guess i have peace, contentment and closure
for myself anyway. I will reach out to my step sister
Again. I plan on talking to my estranged older sister
Sunday. She does not like to talk about family stuff,
She wrote off both of her parents last time we talked.
It will be my attempt anyways to reconnect. She Use
to call me on my birthday every year but she is never
very Upfront about her life. She knows he died.
I'm like you, it takes me a long while to process things and be able to feel them. I wonder if it's a protective mechanism of sorts? Not feeling things until they are a bit less raw? Just a thought.
Hugs.
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Thank you all for being there, this is just an
Update
I did call my adopted step sister and we had
A nice chat so much of the real old stuff she
Really did no know about. She has had a good
life with my father and step mother. I thanked
Her for being there and helping when he was in
Hospice facility. Sounds like she insisted when
he needed More meds, i was proud of her. There
Are other siblings too only one natural birth, my
1/2 Brother. He does not want any relationship.
I then called my estranged sister, the conversation
Went fairly well. It is funny how in dysfunctional
Families everyone sees things a little different. It
Was good to talk to her though, she lived with my
dad for Two years and had a somewhat detached
Rocky relationship with him.
We did talk about the good times we had with my
Dad. He was a lot of fun to be around, sad how
things Worked out. Thats life, my step father was
Good to us so small blessings.
So i think i have done enough at this point, they
Are having a gathering in July in memory of him
Will see how that works out. My Step mother is
very ill Only has six months to live, Cancer and
Dementia.
