The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been attending weekly FTF meetings for abut a month now and I cannot express how much these , along with this board,have helped me. I was overwhelmed at the beginning from really reading too much literature and now stick to a topic or reading a day. I compare my thinking now to almost a fog being lifted where I see light ahead of me. The small shifts in thinking have changed my behaviours immensely. I cannot control him or his drinking. I have empathy for him now rather than only anger and disgust .I have made it very clear to my spouse (AH) what my boundaries are and have been practicing detachment. I am struggling right now with whether there is actually any love left underneath my sadness,anger, and resentment and realizing that even if he does quit drinking, these issues will not magically disappear. I am trying to be patient and see some small positive changes in his behaviour and realize things cannot change overnight. I do not know if our relationship will survive, but I now know I will be OK if we don't make it. I have suffered in silence for a long time but have now reached out to a few very good people in my life who have all given me so much support. I know I will still have many momements and days of sadness,frustration, and fear but will take these as they come. One day at a time.
Sounds like you've made some awesome progress in a month. Wow!!
Keep coming back, you're worth it!!
((Jenny)))
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
That sounds good Jenny. Can relate to having read too much. Early on, in my need to feel better I read a lot and was overwhelmed by the new tools and ideas.
It was comforting as I had a long absence from Al-Anon to hear the familiar but I had to slooooow down and implement one thing at a time.
It is amazing how working the program and learning about the disease can make significant changes in a short period of time. I think in my case, I was just so ready to change and desperate for some focus on MY life and happiness. Even if he cannot change and be happy, I can.
You are loving Jenny...if you weren't you would not be here or doing the recovery work you have been doing. I read the love in your posts and the example of it is what has brought me into the program and MIP on a daily basis. Keep coming back. ((((hugs))))
I really like what Jerry said and can very much relate to your post Jenny. When I first came to Al Anon I was so upset with my husband and wanted to get a divorce. I really didn't know if there was much love left either. It took me months in the program before I was able to realize there was still a lot of love left for him. I had a lot of resentment that I had to get through before I could see it but it was still there. You are doing great, keep trucking along. I hope your AH finds sobriety but that is his road to follow. Sending you tons of support.
Beautiful share Jenny I love hearing of your growth and just wanted to assure you that you are correct all the negative feelings wi ll not disappear over night . I did find that when I continued to work my program and he his, after about 2 years I could feel the old loving feelings come flooding back. Keep on keeping on .
Lovely share Jenny - glad you found Al-Anon and are no longer alone in your experience, hope, suffering, etc. Keep coming back - MIP has been a gift to/for me!! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
