The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's c2c suggests listing all of the things we feel we need, but have been denied by others, such as respect, affection, communication, etc.
It suggests we then consider that we CAN have these things if we are willing to give what we want to receive, and be what we want to attract. In reviewing this list of 'needs", if we find we fall short on any of them, then we have our work cut out!
The reading reminds us that we get back what we give, and that when we stop focusing on what others are doing and start being the change we want to see, we really do seem to get back some of those things we had previously craved, perhaps because we aren't consciously trying to demand them!
The reading further reminds us that we can have an active role in fulfilling our own needs, and in being the kind of person we would want to attract.
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This is an interesting concept and one that has held true for me, but in the beginning it would have been difficult to wrap my head around. Back then i really believed that i was self sacrificing and generous and kind constantly so, why did people just use me and treat me poorly?
But really, while i may have been FOCUSED on other people constantly, i wasn't giving to them what i would want to be given myself. In fact if I am honest, my "love" was pretty controlling and needy; I wouldn't enjoy being babied, minded or fussed over in such a way at ALL, in fact I would find it intollerably disrespectful!!
Early in this program I came upon this idea, of being my own best friend and behaving in the ways that I would like to be treated and I think it has become second nature now and wouldn't you know it, people are much kinder, more respectful and far less demanding of me now as well. It really does work!!!
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Great reminder today Ms. M. I know when program suggested that I keep the focus on myself, examine my motives, actions, thoughts and feeling toward others I discovered that although I thought I was extremely loving and kind toward others that was far from the truth.
Using program tools, placing principles above personalities and deciding to eliminate gossip and judgement of others from my interactions while treating everyone with courtesy and respect my interactions improved 100 fold
The old saying what goes around comes around is so true
Thanks for your service. Have a great day.
Good morning all - thank you MissMel for the daily, your ESH & your service.
I too came here broken, sad and beat down - feeling like a victim of my situation and circumstances. I felt all I did was give, give, give to others and they just kept taking, taking and taking - all the while being disrespectful and needy. My search to find a cure for their drinking, drugging & lifestyle choices sent me instead to a program where I was told to focus on me, my actions, reactions, manners, attitudes and motives....did not truly believe that if I changed, things would change around me.
It took a while to realize that my perceptions of me and my problems was not very accurate. My loving gestures were actually attempts to control others. My kindness efforts at times were manipulative with my goals and my way the present motive. And, my inability to see that there are more ways than one to get to a different place were selfish and self-centered. Working the steps with a sponsor and some brutal honesty showed me that while my motives were often good-hearted, my methods and thinking ... not aligned right.
I am grateful that the pain in my life brought me here. I now see that what I give is what I get and if I am not getting what I need, I can take a look at me, my program, my attitudes and usually find something that can be changed to make my moment better.
Make it a great day all - happy Monday!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
This is a great reading--a reminder that we put forth what we want in our lives. It made me think of the rule we all learned as kids "treat others how you want to be treated". Simple right?? Right--but I sure need to practice, practice practice!
