Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

Hoot Nanny · ~*Service Worker*~

why me?

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Kathleen This can be unsetling. I found the more I practiced "acceptance "of everyone and placed principles above personalities I could stay detached from everyone's issues. Glad you are here.

gingerfizz · Veteran Member

Sending you supportive energy. I am currently refocusing on the QTIP slogan - to Quit Taking It Personally - when my qualifier does and says things that are unfair or hurtful.
Also, this is what recovery looks like, and it helps me to remember this - it's not a straight line like we want. Sometimes the dips feel like starting over - but we are still heading up!
joy2meu.com/growthspiral2.jpg

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Kathleen))) - so sorry he's being him.....I had some of that once upon a time, and I started driving myself to places so I could be sure of a ride home. When he acted that way and I didn't have a car, I would check around to see if someone was willing to drop me off. It just stinks that the person you are counting on can be so flaky but it is a reality here too.

My AH has gotten better about these things as I truly stopped relying on him. So, now when I ask, I believe he is willing as he feels 'needed'. He took me to the airport on Thursday and picked me up today. This is the first time in several years I've even asked as I didn't want it to turn into a 'thing'.....but I did this time as my oldest son has dismissed me again and my youngest has lost his license.

It is not about you - it's about him. Why Me? << I used to inquire as well - I no longer do now though! Progress, not perfection - you're doing great and I love that you're stopping by to process often. This helps us all heal!

WhiskeyLullabye · Senior Member

I think it's totally fine to whine once in a while. If it helps you get some of the emotions out, go for it. Call a friend and "vent." Come on here and vent.
If someone threatened me like that, I'd just say, "There's the door." I'm not going to listen to threats or let them affect me. Once, when I was 4, I was mad at my mom for something - who knows what - and I told her I was going to run away. She packed my little suitcase and handed it to me and said, "Bye." I started crying and saying, "No, I don't wanna go!" If he's gonna act like a child, treat him like a child! I never threatened to run away again.

Bella0104 · Member

I second the "sending positive energy" to you. This is the first time I've seen the definition of QTip, and it's a subject that I need to work on. I haven't had an alcoholic in my life since I was in my early twenties, over twenty years ago. But I do still to this day take things personal that I really shouldn't. So, now I'll remember the QTip toolobox.

I also like the comment that was left by WhiskeyLullabye; my mother kicked me out when I was 16, but I don't let people know that because I don't want that self pity. I rather give my sympathy than get sympathy.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene