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Post Info TOPIC: Alcoholic son


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Alcoholic son


It seems like most of you are dealing with an alcoholic partner, spouse, or parent. Is there anyone else who is parent to an alcoholic teen? You can't just leave a child even if they are tearing you up inside. I feel intolerably trapped. Some days the grief is unbearable.

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~*Service Worker*~

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Yes I know the pain and anxiety Please search out alanon face to face meetings and attend. They saved my sanity and life .

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

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HotRod gives the solution very simply one which most all of us had done.   My son was alcoholic at a very young teenaged year and invited me to join him after I got sober myself.  Then he moved in with me and Tough Love kicked in as I had been taught to understand it and practice it.  The disease will tell you that there are special circumstances in recovery and then there are not...yes the relationship between a caretaking mother and a young child might allude to special circumstances however alcoholism can and will use it to tear the mother apart without a program of recovery.  Take HotRod's suggestion which is mine also...her experience and mine...get a sponsor and literature and meetings under your belt along with a power greater than your self and use tough love....It works when you work it.   By the way my son got to years of not drinking and using and recently relapsed at the age of 50...leaving nothing but shards in its path.  The family still tough loves him and doesn't get involved in the insanity any more.   Keep coming back.   ((((hugs)))) wink



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I am a mother to a 24 year old alcoholic son. It is tearing me apart.

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~*Service Worker*~

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Marie you are not responsible for his drinking or not and I respect any mothers attachment to their children.  HP is parent to us all and our children...I learned to turn all of my family over to my creator father and then told them so...There is no end in sight for this disease...not today.  ((((hugs)))) smile



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~*Service Worker*~

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My son's drinking brought me to my knees, my ah drinking didn't. I see it as a gift now because I sought recovery and everything improved. There is hope. I understand the pain, there is nothing like it. I learned the tough love as Jerry puts it. He helped me too. I call it appropriate unconditional love. It's the correct love that doesn't kill an alcoholic child. Its detaching with love, stop fixing controlling, smother love. Its allowing the proper consequences to happen. Alanon meetings, literature and this forum will help . Learn it like your life depended on it x

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Veteran Member

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I had 2 teens at once in a drug rehab. It made me look again at my life. At the time i felt like the worst mother ever. I had been in total denial of the drugs and alcohol that they were doing. Having a program not only saved me but it saved our family for when one person goes into program and another doesn't there is a big disconnect. It made me confident that i was doing what was needed, no more and no less rather than the guess work i had done before. I realized how much of their problem had become my problem and then i slowly learned how to give those thing that weren't mine back or to my higher power.

Beside you will never find people like those that sit in those meetings elsewhere. You may not see it right off but they are amazing.

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newnoz


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Although I came to this program because of my AH, my issues came along with my Son and his father, and my father. Working the program is helping deal with myself so I can heal.

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Suzann


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Welcome to MIP newnoz - glad to have you join us!!! I too had two sons who both were in rehab as teens and can so relate to the feeling like a failure as a mom. It took smarter than I loving program folks to help me realize I did not cause it, could not control it and could not cure it. By coming to Al-Anon, I feel as if I saved myself and saved the chance at a somewhat 'quasi-normal' family - but certainly have hope that the best is yet to come.....

Keep coming back!!

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



Senior Member

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I am the mother of a 45yr old disfunctional alcoholic son and am at the point where I have to make the decision to put him out on the street....no car, no money, no job, etc. My husband is disabled and AS has stolen money from us, stolen his Dad's meds, yadda, yadda, yadda. But I just keep putting off what I know I need to do for everyone's sake but it ain't easy. All I can say is:

GOD GRANT ME SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE,
THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN AND
THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

((((HUGS))))



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Veteran Member

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I know exactly what you're saying. My 17 nearly 18 year old son is on that path along with weed smoking and although functional for now who knows how long it will be before school and work are also affected. He's already in a lot of trouble for various traffic violations like driving without full license, fake plate, no insurance on a car he paid for himself and that is now impounded due to these violations. It is so much harder when it's your child because as a parent we always fixed any problems they had when they were younger but I'm finally starting to see I can't fix this for him. And that is hard, very hard as a parent. Hugs to you because I know your pain,

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Alcoholism seems to be in the genetics of my ex husband's family. I worry about my 2 daughters (21 and 17) all the time. my youngest was caught drinking at the age of 14, which was the same age her father was. They are both wired the same way. I took the 'not on MY watch' stance back then and took every opportunity to put the fear of god into her - made her go to counseling, attend a 'scared straight' kind of group meeting. My kids are all well aware of their dad's disease, the family component etc. After that, every once in awhile I tell her 'don't be stupid', and I do typical mom 'attention' of her, but I know I can not follow her around to keep her from making bad choices, no more than I could her father when we were married. I did what I could as a parent, but let go of the outcome and hope for the best. Here's me trying to prevent a problem before it even starts - but I know that even that is not insurance against the disease.

My oldest - my son (24) - he has mild cerebral palsy. Other than a severe speech deficit, he is pretty high functioning. He also has epilepsy as a 'side thing' of CP. He takes several drugs and his seizures are about 95% controlled. I am well aware that seizures may one day claim his life. I do what I can to keep him safe - at his place of employment, at home, even at night - in case he has a seizure that lands him on the floor out of his bed. All the protocols are in place with various caregivers. All the medications are in place. But I accept that I can not be with him 24x7. I accept that seizures can and do happen anyway. There have been times I have come home and I can see that he had a seizure recently - while home by himself. In this situation, all I can do is turn it over to my Higher Power. There is my responsibility as his legal guardian and advocate. And there is the part I have no control over.

Two very different diseases but the principle is still the same. I can only do my reasonable and responsible part as a loving mother, but the outcome in the end is not really up to me. I am powerless over my daughter's choices (I believe she has grown up in the last 3 years and is making good choices, but I also know that could change any time for any reason) and I am powerless over my son's epilepsy. I do my reasonable and responsible part - but there is no way to know if and when my 'part' is just not enough. I pray for faith, courage and acceptance.

Just wanted to share my experience, even though I don't have an active A - child, I do know what it's like to have a child with a disease, and a pre-disposition to alcoholism.

Hugs,
Cyndi

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