My ex had a meth addiction.  He would get high and then come down and beat the crap out of me.  I feel like I enabled him in a way.  I believed his promises and his lies - because I wanted to believe the, even though deep down, I knew the truth.

My boyfriend now is an alcoholic.  But, I refuse to be the same way with him.  He either has to shape up or ship out.  I won't believe any lies - and I'll believe promises when I see them come true.  He made his first promise concerning alcohol a little over 2 weeks ago - that he would stop drinking.  So far, he has kept that promise.

I think this place would have helped me a lot more when I was with my ex, but I think I still have some healing to do from him.  I still have nightmares.  I'll wake up screaming bloody murder or calling for help.  The other day, a new guy was hired at work.  At first glance, he looked just like my ex.  Same build, same hair, same clothing style, same walk.  My heart stopped and I started to freak out before I looked again.  Now, every time I see him, I get a shot of fear through my heart before my brain takes over.

When someone at work comes to talk to me, I jump sky high.  Pretty soon, I'm going to be seen as the skittish, crazy lady.

I still flinch when my boyfriend makes a sudden move - even though he has never raised a finger or even his voice to me.

On the other hand, I think my last relationship caused me to grow a lot.  I can look back and see how weak I was.  I had given up and lost myself.  Never again.  I feel like I'm better prepared for life.