I'm a certified dog trainer. Today on our morning walk, my stupid big dog grabbed a chicken bone. He would not drop it. He growled at me. I did what I learned and held on to the end that was sticking out of his mouth. I did not let go. I relaxed everything else. I calmly decided that he could bite me if he wanted but I was just not going to let go. Without anger. Without tense insistence. Calm insistence. It took maybe 3 minutes of growling and he released his clenched jaw and let it go. I think I'm the same way. I desperately grab what I think I desperately need and let anger convince myself and everyone else that I desperately need this (whatever it is). My higher power just calmly waits for me to catch on.