The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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I don't even know where to start today... I feel so alone and down today. I told the A that I was having a rough day, he sent me flowers and told me he just wanted my day to get better. Well by 2pm he was drinking today and now has some what disappeared. I don't know what to do anymore. I have reached out to his best friend because he needs help and he just won't listen. And I just can't watch this anymore. This disease is awful and so sad. I am afraid he is actually sick and just doesn't want to face life. I seriously feel sick to my stomach.
(((Smilingeyes))) Alcoholism is indeed a dreadful, chronic, progressive disease that can be arrested but never cured. We who live with the disease need a program of recovery of our own because by interacting with this disease, on a constant basis, we become" irritable and unreasonable: without even knowing it .
Alanon face to face meetings helped me to rebuild my life and expectations while I was living with the disease. Keeping the focus on myself, attending meetings, working the Steps are all keys to developing the ability to respond in a healthy manner and stop reacting to the insanity. There is hope
I have been to face to face meetings. And plan to go again tomorrow. The issue for me is I just don't know how to handle him anymore. It seems like he is understanding his level of alcohol but just doesn't want to deal with it. It is upsetting our whole family and day to day life. I am trying so hard to be strong for me and my kids but inside I am falling apart regularly
Developing a trust in HP and Acceptance of the facts that alcoholism is a disease over which I was powerless helped me to let go of my unrealistic expectations. He is in his disease and I had to let go and let God . When I felt fear, anger or resentment I would pray the serenity prayer, or make an alanon call . It is not an easy road we travel and we cannot do it alone.
I feel so alone through this though. I don't feel like I can talk to anymore about this. I have not spoken yet to anyone really at the meetings and have no calls to make. That's why I found this site
Hugs smiling. It is maddening and painful. One thing I have noticed time and time again through my own and others stories is that it seems to really be always darkest before the dawn.
When I became able to detach better through using al-anon tools and working the program I found it a lot easier to enjoy the good parts of my partner without allowing the negative to harm me. It makes life a lot more enjoyable.
Do you have any literature?
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
(((Smilingeyes))) - so very sorry for your pain. This disease is progressive and dreadful and does affect us as well as the alcoholic. I will send you positive thoughts and prayers. I understand your feelings - had them too. The only solution that kept presenting itself was Al-Anon. It is where I found peace, understanding, fellowship, love, support and no judgment at all.
Keep coming back! There is always hope!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
wow I feel you. :( My A at 5pm was talking about picking up dinner. At 7pm he texts he got the food and "something else". Came home at 9 with a cat! (we have 5 already) Said he felt sorry for her sitting in a cage at pet store. yes he loves animals and thats great.. but of course he reeks of beer. (and smoke) so somewhere during 5-7 he either stopped by a friends or bar or wherever. Then made impulse cat buy. (the peep at pet store had to smell beer on him.. embarassing) I just got up and went in bedroom where i am now. That is part of what Al Anon suggests. I wanted to say I know you have been drinking but Al Anon says dont do that. They already know. Im not mad about saving a cat per se, but like you said.. one day good choices, next day back to drinking and roller coaster. Then repeat.. I use to argue but now I quietly go in other room. Thats how Im handling it. Really hope this somehow works. Stay with us here. Its good support.
-- Edited by Aerin on Thursday 14th of April 2016 09:53:31 AM
-- Edited by Aerin on Thursday 14th of April 2016 09:54:13 AM
-- Edited by Aerin on Thursday 14th of April 2016 09:54:31 AM
oh and I also reached out to his friend who has been sober for 2yrs asking for help and he said truthfully my A HAS to really want it himself. Nothing we say or do will chsnge them. I was disheartened at that.. but understand now
It is hard not to fight or say anything about the drinking. Or try to convince A to not drink. Everyday I leave for work I never know what is going to happen through the day. It is very overwhelming and stressful situation. I love my job and hate feeling the way I do there. Just so confused
You are absolutely right that it's hard to not say anything about the drinking....it's very hard to change how we act and react to what they are doing. I had to literally bite my tongue and do as above - go into another room and do something program related to 'cool my jets'. It took practice and more practice and then even more....
What I realized is that when I care more about the health and future of another, that's unhealthy for me. I will love and support my qualifiers for as long as I live and breathe. However, I will no longer waste my air, words, emotions and pain being concerned more than them. I will match them if needed effort wise towards a healthy life/future...but I won't carry them any longer - it almost destroyed me on every level - emotionally, physically, etc. I have found peace in turning them over to a power greater than me, and doing all that I can do for my best possible life.
I also fully understand your confusion.....when I first came to Al-Anon, several people told me I really needed to breathe - just breathe deeply and try to be a calm person. Amazing advice as just someone being able to understand where I was and why I was there gave me the freedom to do just that - breathe....without judgment, without anything but air.
Be gentle and do something lovely just for you - read a book, bubble bath, something simple often helps - I also learned that if I didn't take care of me, nobody else would!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
(((((Smilingeyes))))) the hugs are the best I can do right now besides trying not to fall on the floor laughing and kicking. I know you are going thru trauma and drama and the insanity is real for you however each and every time now I get to see the humor in the insanity I cannot help but laugh. I've been in recovery for a long while and getting to laugh today rather than just explode all over the place is a sign of recovery. The second step of our twelve steps says "Came to believe that a power greater than our self could lead us to SANITY" and I needed sanity much more than anything else. Find a meeting...get into that meeting...build a recovering family and join us. Poor cats. (((hugs)))
I think you were referring to me with the cat story LOL... the crazy part is he doesn't see it as crazy! He said this morning he thought I would be happy he rescued an animal. Ummm yes... if he had been sober and we had gone together, etc! It is sad how they do not see how bad their decision making process is when they are drinking
It is hard not to fight or say anything about the drinking. Or try to convince A to not drink. Everyday I leave for work I never know what is going to happen through the day. It is very overwhelming and stressful situation. I love my job and hate feeling the way I do there. Just so confused
Oh yes, EXACTLY how I feel. Never knowing what will happen that day. UGGGGGGGGGG I am trying to learn to not care that much anymore and not put so much focus on HIM and turn the focus to helping MYSELF. I wish I could help him but really I can't. And I'm so tired of wondering and worrying and feeling anxious. I guess I hit rock bottom in ways. That's why I am here
@Jerry F - love what you said, that's really funny, also trying not to ROFL
(((Smilingeyes))) I'd like to share you this prayer, I say it daily especially in difficult times
SURRENDER PRAYER
Dear God, I am powerless and my life is unmanageable without Your help and guidance. I come to You today because I believe that You can restore and renew me to meet my needs today. Since I cannot adequately manage my life or affairs, I have decided to give them to You. I put my life, my will, my thoughts, my desires and ambitions into Your hands.
I give You all of me: the good and the bad, the character defects and shortcomings, my selfishness, resentments, and all my problems. I know that You will work them out in accordance with Your plan. Such as I am, take and use me in Your service. Guide and direct my ways and show me
what to do for You.
I cannot control or change my friends or loved ones, so I release them into Your care for Your loving hands to do with as You will. Just keep me loving them and free from judging them. If they need changing, God, You will have to do it. I can't. Just make me willing and ready to be of service to You, to have my shortcomings removed, and to do my best.
Help me to see how I have harmed others, and make me willing to make amends to You and to them. Keep me ever mindful of thoughts and actions that harm myself and others, and that separate me from Your light, Your love and Your Spirit. And when I commit these errors, make me aware of them and help me to recognize each one promptly.
I am seeking to know You better and to love You more. I am seeking the knowledge of Your Will for me and the power to carry it out.
Keep smiling, though I know that would be the hardest thing to do right now. I've been thru that desperation, you're not alone, keep coming back.
