The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i joined this message board many years ago to help me cope with my AH's disease. I haven't been back here for a very long time, but I think it is time for me to find some support and stop living in denial. We have been married for 9 years and have 2 beautiful kids (7 & 3). My AH has probably been an alcoholic since I met him, but I convinced myself it was just my paranoia from growing up with an alcoholic father. I told myself that I was just too sensitive on the topic of alcohol. As time has gone by, I have realized that I was just lying to myself and making excuses. Things have gotten progressively worse over the years. About 1.5 years ago AH went to the dr for his physical and found out he has extremely high levels of the Ast and alt liver enzymes. Of course he has convinced himself that this is not related to his drinking. It is obvious that this disease is literally killing him, and I have to sit and watch it happen. He did briefly stop drinking after the test results came back and he was a much more pleasant person to be around. Recently I have seen the signs of his drinking picking up again. He's irritable and I found a bottle of vodka hiding in his drawer tonight. It makes me want to yell, scream and cry. I don't know if I can continue to go through this. He is verbally mean to me when he is drinking. Part of me wants to leave him because I don't want my kids to grow up the way I did. I'm afraid though of what would happen when he has the kids and I'm not there. Right now I have control, but if I leave him, I will lose that control.
i need to look for a face to face meeting to attend locally. I think I have put it off because I am scared. I am a shy person and do not open up to people easily.
Welcome back Antigua As you are experiencing, alcoholism is a chronic progressive disease that can be arrested but never cured. Alanon does offer hope and help to families who are living with the disease.
I am glad you are intending to search out face to face meetings and attend We also have online meetings here in the chat room each day.
Here is the schedule
Al-Anon Family Group Meeting/Chat Room
Meetings 9 AM EST Mon-Fri 9 PM EST Mon-Sat 10 AM EST Sat & Sun 7 PM EST Sunday
Hello Antiqua - welcome back to MIP! Glad that you found us again and so glad you shared. The disease is progressive and reaches well beyond the drinker. You are not alone and I am hopeful that you can work the Al-Anon program and find peace and joy no matter what he is or is not doing.
(((Hugs))) - keep coming back!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hi Antigua....I feel your pain. I have kids as well, 2 of my own and A has 1. It is tough because I understand you not wanting your kids to grow up like that and in a life with an A.
Glad you are here but sorry that the situation is what it is.
My lawyer helped me prepare things so that my kid never had to be under the unsupervised control of his dad. So you might consult a lawyer who is familiar with alcoholism and ask what it would need for you to do that. That would open up a lot more options, I know.
I have found that we who get involved with alcoholics are under-sensitive to drinking and alcoholism rather than over-sensitive. What would send a normal person running for the hills, we just think, "Well, I don't want to be too judgmental."
One thing to consider is that if your kids grow up with this drinking around, they too may well develop that under-sensitivity (drinking will seem familiar to them rather than a red flag). Would we like our kids to be involved in a marriage like ours? That idea scared the bejeebus out of me.
