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as most here knows Ive got my ASIs and abf living here with me in my home ,ASIs has been constantly warning me to open my eyes to what abf is doing outside my home I allow him to use my shed for a place to put tools and just for him a place to go to,abf seems to me to be very straight up with me and respectful toward me for most part I can't see nothing that's going on,ASIs tells me that she is just really sad that I allow him to use me like I do,she won't tell me what's going on or what he is doing or telling her so I just tell her that that's good she so sad for me,I dunno then she on to saying that it's not drugs that she is just watching out for me and that she wished I'd open my eyes and walk out to my shed several times a day.then my stomach starts going sour and feelings of resentment swallow me up,I'm been working my program steady at I'm on the 2 nd step,and I got a sponsor I report to everyday,and for my G&a ,and read my Ctc,,I feel like if she knows so much then she should tell me if it's putting me in harms way,she says that if she tells me I tell him then he says I said ....,needed to vent this for it's been going on for a while,,,,,I say the serenity prayer everyday ,repeating it often times,just lacking in meetings,I forget the meeting times online here I guess I should write a sticky note to remind me of them,,,,,I'm thinking surely abf ain't doing something that would cost me my home or put me away as an innocent bystander,surly not,like I e said I just don't know and now it's eating at me that ASIs keeps saying that,that's not right of her.........done ....hugs lu
I'm Sorry you are Struggling with Such within your Home... I know the Type within my Afamily that Very Much Fit this Bill...
For Me when Someone in my AFamily Try's "Stirring the Pot" as I Like to Put it... I Have Several Options.. Sometimes I Tell them Its None of My Business, OR Its None of Theirs? I Remind Myself that What Others Think is None of My Business and Tell them I Don't care to Hear Anymore...Some times they Stomp off, others times they Accept and Leave it Alone... Just Depends on the Ism's....
My Afamily are PRO's at the Bait & Hook Method, (Let me First say I don't know what ASIs is?) They will tell me Gossip, Hear Say, or Just Make Crap up... to get a Rise out of me, when I don't Respond to there Games..My Recovery is Almost Intimidating to them Sometimes because they Resent the fact I'm Taking Care of Me, and Healing.. And Not Engaging in the Drama.. Its Sad the Effects of this Disease & what some will do for Attention... In Order to Keep My Serenity I have to Slowly back away from the Trouble Makers and Go with My Gut...
I don't know your Story, but Only You can Find a way to Nip this in the Bud... But know that you are Not Alone and Many have Traveled the "He said/She said" Way of Life, and for me its Never went Further then Down...
Be Gentle on Yourself, Grab those Meetings, and Remember to Take Care of You... Your Relationship is Your Business... Dealing with thee Effects of Alcoholism is Hard Enough without Inside Influences or Input... Talk to your Sponsor and Walk thru the Best fit for you ;) and Hand the Rest to HP...
KEEP COMING BACK... Sharing and Growing... Your Doing Great ;) Please Take what you Like & Leave the Rest
Thanks Jozie for your wonderful and lots of it ESH.Asis means A/sister I apologize for the typo.and I had that in my thoughts of Myob,but it seems I can get so turned inside out and upside down that my thinking becomes Blank,and I get numb at my A/sis and resentful,this has been an ongoing thing ,and she adds that when my abf leaves here which will be soon he has to go serve lots of jail time years of it,she says when abf is gone that I'm gonna hear lots of what he had been doing and a whole lot more to come ,oh well,it's not any of my bus.his bus. Is his,,better that I don't know huh.....hugs lu
((LU)) keep the focus on yourself, Continue working the program as you have been doing and remember that there is a reading in the C2C that suggests that what we need to know, we will know if we trust HP.
Remember your assets and list them and know you are an intelligent woman who is working a program of recovery and it is all a process. Your sister doesn t have that advantage. Keep on keeping on.
Agree with Betty & Jozie! It is OK to tell your ASis that you are doing your best to deal with life your way, in your time, and that while you appreciate her concern, it is currently not helpful.
Then - keep the focus on you! So glad to hear you have a sponsor and are working the program. Trust God, Clean House, Help Others - my code of action....
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Aww y'all always put a huge smile on my face,thank you Betty and iamhere,I always feel I get the best there is in ESH right here on this board,and yes this is my journey not hers,and my hp has already got this.....hugs lu
I can kind of relate to how you must be feeling when your sis says that. My AH and I have actually been married for less than a year. We have been together for waaaay longer but anyway, we saved and planned the wedding 2 years before the event. We had a huge bridal party until 2 weeks before the wedding, one by one his guys dropped out all saying "I cant stand and watch him do this to you" he was hiding the drinking so good at that point I had no clue. I was an anxious mess because I couldn't figure out why if these people claimed to love me so much that they couldn't watch something bad happen to me then why didn't tell me? Come to find out they really didn't care at all, they cared about themselves and didn't want to make themselves look bad. AH and I are still together, but I will never make amends with any of those people.
Thanks for your ESH fooled,I've said time and time before that my sis is so self absorbed and that goes for my abf also,maybe it's all a that are like that,I maybe ,I hope not,anyway fooled I'm so sorry that happened to you at such a very important event,yea it would make it hard for me to make amends also,I work harder at my step work ,for I'm on step 2 and enjoying it.and we are humans with defects,not saying that makes it right for ppl to be so mean,all we can do is work on ourselves and let what we can go.....hugs to you ((fooled)), Lu
-- Edited by lookingup on Tuesday 12th of April 2016 02:12:05 AM
