The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Okay, it's been 4 days. I haven't responded to the text about the stupid sleeping bag... and I know that the only thing he set out to accomplish was to have me react...which I didn't.
However, I still find myself agonizing over a way to respond, which I know is a completely futile exercise...no outcome will be favorable, and will be met with more anger and animosity.
How do they do this to us? I couldn't get to a meeting until last night, which is a large one and I didn't feel like sharing. I did contact a program friend, and that helped.
Thanks for listening all. The anxiety is overwhelming sometimes.
I don't have much ESH to share...but I can totally relate and have been in this type of situation many times. I will say that:
The times that I am able to realize that no matter what I say, the outcome will not be positive...
The times I realize that I don't need to prove myself or argue my point...
The times I am able to stay quiet and just let it be...
Those are the times I feel most at peace and more powerful when I protect my emotions from an unnecessary storm. In the moment, it's hard though and it's tough to "turn off my thoughts" I usually just try to distract myself however I can.
Great share coopsmom and I agree!! Marnie - you are counting the days of not responding. At some point, my sponsor asked me if I thought my qualifier was thinking about it, obsessing over it and/or loosing sleep over it. I honestly could answer No, and she asked Why was I then?
We tend to lead with our hearts - while that makes us great people and kind hearted, it also makes us a bit more vulnerable to the insanity of the disease. You are doing great - using the tools and program resources to heal/deal - trust the process and be gentle with you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
When I was stuck in the "wanting to react mode " I found that writing out my assets and gratitude helped me to settle down and focus on myself and the great life I was building with these qualities and not on the negative people who wanted to distract me into their hoola hoop
I Agree with All above :) Practice Practice Practice Comes to Mind... When I'm Obsessing on Them I'm Not Taking care of Me... I Pop to the Back of My Daily Readers and Check out "Resentments, Boundaries, Changed Attitudes, Detachment, Expectations" Or what Ever I'm Feeling at the Time of Action... These Things all Help me Come out the Other Side... Two of the Slogan's I use together in this kinda Citations with my A's is 1) How Important is it? Really? & 2) THINK... "Is it: True? Honest? Important? Necessary? or Kind? and if I Can't Hit All Five... I Just Leave it to HP and Walk away... These Help me along with when they are In my Head to much I Start Repeating the Serenity Prayer till I Can Refocus on Me... I do All these things to Allow the "Power" to Remain with Me, I've Given it Over So Many Times but it Indeed Takes Me Practice when I'm Whirling :)
Be Gentle on you... Please Take what you like and Leave the Rest :)
I found with me its all one big
Process and it just takes time
To get there.
One thing begets another thing
So much is my changing and growing
And also my changed attitudes and
behaviors.
That is not easy to accomplish so
Be gentle and loving with yourself.
Keep up with the mtgs and program
Work.
My ex got nasty sometimes toward
the end, on text Or phone so i learned
after awhile. Don't bother unless you
want an unpleasant Person to deal
With.
I hate to even think about those times
And Behaviors, its a let Go let God situation,
its Not about me but him. My heart hurts
Even to have to remember it.
Thank you so much everyone. I think that if this had happened a couple weeks ago it would have been a LOT worse. For me, it was just so shocking that he would deliberately throw me off my game... I don't know if he's wasting energy thinking about it, but he clearly thought about sending the text.
I can't control it, I just have to remember that the only thing I can control is my reaction (or non-reaction) to it...
A wise old-timer once said to me, 'if you keep feeding the cat at the back door, the cat will keep coming back. Don't feed the cat.'
This helped me to stop responding/reacting to my newly separated husband who kept texting me and calling with the need to talk, guilt me etc. I always thought I HAD to respond to everything he did or said, even when we separated. When I stopped 'feeding' him, he stopped coming at me.
Hugs,
Cyndi
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"There will be an answer. Let it be." ~ The Beatles
You guys sure do know how to bring it into perspective. I lost it terribly this past week and felt insane big time! I needed this esh from you guys!
I thought I was better, but I found I am not doing as well as I imagined. When adversity came, I fell into the state of reaction (or rather jumped in with both feet)! I knew better the whole time and was so out of control that I had to seek out the help of someone else just to regain some composure. I haven't felt that way in a long while! And, I don't like it!
It is time for me to get back into my own hula hoop!
