The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays message in church today was about failure. How we are going to fail, its ok to fail, learn from our failures, and use them to do good for others. How our loved ones are going to fail and it makes us hurt angry and feel guilty at times especially if we tried to warn them and they didn't heed our warnings. Well there was a lot more in the message as it pertains to the book of Luke in the Bible, but I realized I am not sure how much is allowed on here in relation to Christianity lol I, personally recognize God as my HP more so than Jesus Christ, but that's just me, last thing I would want to do is violate someone's belief or the rules of posting, the steps or anything related to HP. But, anyway, I found this message so fitting for acceptance and powerlessness. I still cant help but get disappointed when I discover that AH has failed in his sobriety. Recognizing and accepting that he is going to fail, he is human, he is fallible, gives me a more peaceful feeling. For me, God has this and if I let him he will bring AH right were he needs to be.
I did the same thing myself and then realized that my alcoholic/addict and others had more prominent position in my head than God did and often their failures kinda were a pat on the back for me that I "was right". It left little margin for gratitude faith and hope until I changed. The disease is a disease and not a moral issue. I came to understand that not even my HP judged the alcoholic/addict like I had at one time which taught me compassion and empathy. (((hugs)))
Suzann - When I first arrived and I was working hard to practice, practice, practice the program and principles, etc. I too waffled in my faith. My faith in letting go, my faith in my qualifier(s) and my faith in myself to work this program, detach with love, set manageable boundaries, etc. I just wanted you to know that I can relate to the disappointment you are feeling about the relapse....I used to think, OK, now things are happening, moving in the right direction, life is getting better, etc. and then ..... bam - the other shoe would fall off or wreckage of the past appeared or .... @#$^ happened!
It took me time, practice, tons of meetings and a sponsor to be able to pause, consider the serenity prayer (to see what's mine) and then turn it over (again, and again at times) to HP. In Al-Anon, we don't care what a HP is called - it's just a spiritual program vs. religious. So, if in your practice of your religion, you hear a spiritual message that can be of value to another, you can share it!
My understanding of discussion of religion is like the other principles - we don't want to offer advice, discuss religion, outside issues, etc. as it can be another form of controlling, which most of us are trying to do less of or not at all. So, I don't know if this helps you or not with what to share vs. not share but ESH is always welcome.
As far as failure goes, I've decided that pass/fail were two terms in my old way of thinking that are like black/white. I am so diligent and anal when I process, I viewed things as successes or failures. I saw right or wrong. In all 3 cases, I never truly paused to consider WIP (work in progress) or shades of gray. I really had to work on that - my old way of thinking and processing was just too rigid, especially as I expand my faith and also believe in Miracles in Progress!!
God's plan is bigger and more expansive than I could ever, ever begin to understand. I do believe deep down in my soul now that he's got us all and things happen as they are supposed to and that we all are exactly where we should be.
(((Hugs))) - glad your service spoke to you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I too don't like the word failure. I like the word success, but I am learning it has many different levels. In my nursing practice their is a clinical pathway for every disease management, except this one. My anger and disappointment have always been multi tiered: myself, him, my father, God, his parents, his boss, his sponsor etc. I was used to going by the script, in black and white, for everything, when I found there was none for this I was mad. So I started making one in my head and educate myself and pat myself on the back when he did this or did that. I guess that's the other part that I was afraid to say but you put it so nicely,Jerry, if God loves him the same as me whether he drinks or not, has a plan for him the same as me whether he drinks or not, then what in the heck am I doing? It opens up the shades of gray for me that you have come to love IMH. If he "fails" that is Gods plan and his expectation for him today, or next week, 6 months from now, its ok, as my "failure" may be around the corner as well. Until there is complete autopilot of AH and myself by our HP, there is going to be "failures" and shades of success.
Thanks for the education for the shares, as I was typing I was like ut oh, I guess I had better stop here. lol
I've had my life fall apart so many times. I've been through a lot of stuff I had no control over and I put up with things that I should have stopped. But at that point, I was so mired in depression, I didn't care. Still, somehow, I always pick myself back up. I put myself back together and I rebuild. I get knocked down, but I don't stay down. So, I don't consider the things I've been through as failures. They've just been tests. I think I passed, since I'm still moving forward.
I remember a quote about failure. I don't know it exactly but someone asked Thomas Edison how it felt to have failed 1000 times at inventing the light bulb. Thomas Edison said, "I didn't fail. I just discovered 1000 ways not to make a light bulb."
