The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Can someone give me a little insight? My boyfriend has been sober for nearly 7 1/2 years. He recently bought (January) a beautiful engagement ring for me and planned to propose but some recent deaths in my family and a squabble with my mom has left me depressed and lashing out in anger. (He's 30. I'm 35.)
I kept bickering with him and starting fights and now he has taken a "break" from our relationship bit doesn't call it a break up.
He's iced me out and I left it to him to reach out to me but contact has been nearly non-existent for the last 3 weeks. He wants me to find my happy again and said the bickering and arguing was leading him to want to drink again.
Is there any hope to save this? I'm seeing a therapist and I've recomciled with my mom and feel MUCH happier and grounded but I love him and want a healthy, happy relationship again.
Al-anon could likely help you "get your happy back"- have you ever been to a meeting or read any of the literature? Might be a great place to start
I think it's certainly true that a relationship can only be as happy as each of the people in it!
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
I would listen to his request as there seems to be the solution there. Not only alcoholics can suffer from our barrages and what I had to do was go look for my own solutions. My wife was and alcoholic/addict and a child of God first. She was sick and at times sicker because she couldn't/wouldn't handle my badgering. I found out that my "obsessive, compulsive behavior" was my responsibility and made the effort to take care of it. The suggestion of Al-Anon Family Group meetings is a gold one and the one I followed thru on. You will be much better off for it. ((((hugs))))
I completely understand your situation, I am going through something very similar. The only thing I can do is work on myself, and find recovery in this program. I found that f2f meetings were a godsend, listening to the wise words on this board, and reading all my literature (of which I have compiled a library). The first meeting was daunting, and scary, and SO worth it.
It's scary to not know what the alcoholic is going through. I, too, was told that my behavior was going to cause a relapse, which just made me feel worse. I've learned that I can't control anybody else's behavior other than my own.
Keep coming back, you're worth it.
-- Edited by marniep222 on Friday 8th of April 2016 03:18:54 PM
-- Edited by marniep222 on Friday 8th of April 2016 03:19:22 PM
Thanks, y'all.
I'm just wanting any little thread of hope to know that it's not over for good. I went to my first meeting with his mom this past Wednesday and it was not only eye-opening, but compelling and helpful in my own journey. We plan on going again every week because she had stopped going and likes having me to join her.
I'm praying and meditating and concentrating on myself but his silence is awful. I miss him but I want him healthy more than anything. To think my depression and unhappiness could be so toxic to him is so sad to me. I feel terrible.
Unfortunately, we can't predict their triggers. And what we thought was just normal behavior isn't for them. They also can't show love the way normal people can...this I've also learned.
I don't think there's no hope. I don't think there is for me, but there's a whole different history. I believe in the best in people until they show me otherwise.
Hey Brandi - welcome to MIP....I have "How Al-Anon Works" and read that - mostly for information purposes. I love the daily readers as it helps me start my day in a different way.
Glad you joined us and glad you shared. Keep coming back - it works if you work it!! Glad to see you've already gone to a meeting - you can certainly go to more if you want/feel the need to!!
(((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hi brie- the daily readers, as noted, are great sources of daily inspiration. They are Courage to Change, Hope for today and there's a third which hopefully someone will name for me because I've gone blank. You can order al-anon books at a face-to-face al-anon meeting, online, or often they are in libraries. "How al-anon works" can be gotten the same way. If you do pop in to a face to face meeting they'll also give you a beginners pack which has some literature in it that will get you started As far as non-al-anon books go, many folk here love the Melodie Beattie books such as Codependent No more, have you heard of those? Very eye-opening, I'd highly recommend that one.
-- Edited by missmeliss on Friday 8th of April 2016 08:18:15 PM
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Y'all are all so helpful! Thank you! His mom gave me two daily readers and Hope for Change about an hour ago and shock of all shocks! He texted! We set up a phone call time tomorrow to chat. I'm trying my hardest to come to terms with my brief bout of depression and stress (work promotion but much harder position, death of my dad and grandma within days of each other last year, etc) so that I'm healthy within myself before I can be healthy reuniting with him.
I would NEVER want to come between him and his sobriety. I never knew him when he was drinking. I forget what he went through to become sober because he seems so calm and strong. He's the greatest man I've ever known and I just want us to be healthy and healthy someday together.
