The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading discusses the value in looking at our past. We are able to gain insight into the present as well as clues for things that might need to be changed for a better future. Many of us denied, distorted or lost touch with painful memories. Facing the reality of our past can be a critical part of Al-Anon recovery.
Fond memories should also be recognized if we hope to have a realistic view. The best part of this examination of our past is that it is over! We are powerless over what has happened before, and cannot change that we have hurt others or been hurt by others. We can take steps to make amends and we have the power to change this present day.
The best use we can make of our past it to face it, learn from it and move on. We should never allow our past to define our present, and certainly work hard to keep it from affecting the here and now.
Today's reminder - "I will not get bogged down in dealing with old wounds that I forget about new growth."
Today's quote - "The past is but the beginning of a beginning." ------ H.G. Wells
For me, when I arrived at the doors of Al-Anon, I was stuck in the past. My mind consistently told me that how it had been is how it would always be. I felt almost chained to what had happened, how it happened, my distorted negative thinking and much more negativity. When I began working this program, and was told that all I needed to do was to stay in the present day - even the moment at times - and listen openly, it was hard.
My mind wondered often to past events. My mind rarely found anything pleasant as I had trained it to always look for what was wrong. If I projected or looked to the future, I did the same thing - viewed it through broken lens and negative distorted thinking.
As I worked these steps and prepared for my inventory, my thinking became clearer and I had some sanity restored. I did have faith in a higher power, as he brought me here and led me to like-minded people who truly understood where I was, and never judged me, but only loved me.
As I looked at the past, I could see my part in many of the events. I could identify my defects and how they ruled my life. I lived with a distorted view of reality, a never-ending fairy-tale dream of how it should be, and of course in denial that I was every wrong/at fault. I learned what drove me often was fear - fear of failure, fear of the unknown, etc.
My past today is a part of me and a contributing factor to who I am in the present. Had I not gone throw what I went through, I wouldn't be where I am. I had to be there then to be here now. I live with much less fear today, and no longer look for validation, happiness or fault beyond myself. I can walk away and choose to be happy instead of be right. I no longer feel I have to solve world hunger or other people's issues. I love me, manage me and could not ask for a better HP - always present and always guiding.
Love you all - thanks for being a part of my journey - (((Hugs)))!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Last night I had a dream about my step-mom. I haven't talked to her since I confronted her about pictures of my (deceased) dad that she wouldn't share. That was about 2 years ago, but we were distant from each other since my dad died (age 16) and she kicked me out of the house. I am now 36. So in my dream, I was walking down the hall of the house we all lived in and I was headed to my room. She was standing in the hall and I was trying to walk past her without any notice. But she kept blocking my way and trying to talk to me. I kept trying to go around and not saying anything.
It was a really weird dream. I don't want to reach out to her. In some ways I feel bad that we don't talk, but I think this is the side of me that always wants to make amends and fix things. I really hated it when we were talking because it was so uncomfortable. All of the painful past issues.. I just don't want to even go there!
Great share and powerful reminder. I love how this program enabled me to feel safe enough to review my past so as to learn from it, and not beat myself up or wallow in self pity as I often did . I am so pleased that Steps 4 , 5 and 10 taught me to look without staring, learn the lessons from the past and thereby enrich my life and future. By so doing I am better able to identify with others and show compassion and empathy.
Thank you for your share IAH. It's definitely something I have to work on, BIG TIME. I shared with AH last night that I have these voices inside of my head that remind me of ways he has hurt me....of choices I have made to enable him, or wrong choices I have made. The voices remind me of my own past sins, and tell me I'm not worthy of being happy and peaceful. My HP tells me differently, and I have to shove the negative voices out of my head and remember that I am valuable. I do deserve happiness and peace.
Leah, that is a troubling dream. Only you know what is safe for you, and how to approach it. I pray for discernment for you, but hope that you tackle your troubles, as you know you have strength to tackle them, and that might just be one at a time. Sending hugs.
IAH... Thanks for the Share, and Your Honesty as Well...
I Love the Growth that Unfolds here, When I Landed here I was Broken into so Many Pieces I Honestly didn't Believe I Would Ever Find Relief from my "Stinking Thinking" or did I See Hope for a Future without my ADad, Every Relationship I Ever had was a Roller Coaster of Insanity, including my Marriage at the time...
Since Program, HP, Meetings, Sponsors, F2F, Service Work, ALL Helped Me See how Human I Was... How I Wasn't the Only person in this big world that Made Boneheaded Decisions at the Drop of a Hat, and Held Resentments for Decades because I had No Idea how to Release them without Feeling Like I "Lost the Fight!" because that is how my Family Runs... Last Word, Last Insult, Last Cut of the Blade... I Lived in Survivor Mode 24/7...
NOW... Welp :D
I Can Look Back & Not Stare, and See that without those Struggles I Wouldn't be Anywhere Near where I am in my Recovery... and I Can See I Don't have to be a Mirror Image of My Family, I Can BE ME... No Regrets... And I Can Do that with Compassion for Others... I was Raised on "Black & White" Thinking... There was No "Grey" area... and I have to Say, I'm Grateful I have Found and embraced the Grey area... because it has Opened My Mind to Amazing things...
