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Post Info TOPIC: Oh, Hi there HP :-)


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1887
Date:
Oh, Hi there HP :-)


So this morning I was sitting in my room, at my desk, thinking about how I wish I had some spare money to purchase a second desk to put in the lounge room, because its turning cold here and that's the only room with heating, plus I am a bit nomadic and like to change it up from time to time.

ANYWAY.

While I was sitting here at my desk wishing for another desk (this one is freaking gigantic and needs 2 burly blokes to move, and even then it's a lot of huffing and swearing and "why the eff is this thing so heavy, and why the eff would anyone want such a huge L-shaped piece of effing garbage and if this doesn't go through this doorway this effing minute I'm just going to chainsaw it the eff in half!!)", Mr Next Door's mum pokes her head in my window and asked me to come outside for a moment. "I have to have this place cleaned out by tomorrow and there's lots of stuff I can't find a home for so come and take what you want". She's completely out of breath and looks really upset so I follow her in and the place is in absolute chaos, obviously because she moved out months ago and Mr Next Door and his druggie friends have turned it into a..well, you know. A place that looks like druggies have been living in it. It's a bad mess. I feel awful for her and mentally resign myself to spending the day helping her clean it.

Anyway she's racing around and she starts to talk and the floodgates open, I can't tell if she's about to scream or cry and I dont think she knows either, and she just unloads about how bad he's gotten and how this place is all his name now and if she doesn't clean up his mess he will have even more debt and he'll lose all of his stuff and he's tricked her out of her own property and been selling family heirlooms and...well, you get the idea; she's being treated so poorly by someone she loves and to an outsider it should make no sense whatsoever. (He's tricked you out of your home that you own, started selling your things, and you're here cleaning up his mess in his rental so that he doesn't get a debt or a bad name??) but of course being a seasoned al-anoner this all makes perfect sense to me. I hear her.

So she tells me that her new boyfriend says she is to come to the house to collect what she wants and owns only and to not touch his mess or clean anything or remove his furniture, and that he will help her with anything that is hers but that if she's silly enough to clean, she is on her own. And she looks at me and says "but you know how it is, you're a mother, you can't just leave a mess like this" and I say 'Actually, you know what? I agree with your boyfriend, I don't think you should lift a finger to clean his mess" and she looks kinda relieved by my response... as I help her carry her furniture out to her ute, I prattle on a bit about al-anon. She's never heard of it but seems to find it interesting. And it feels good because she's receptive; on one hand I can relate to where she is coming from and how frustrated and resentful and miserable she feels and on the other I am telling her I've found a better way to deal with it and who knows, I felt like maybe it helped her to have another person reassure her that it's OK not to rescue her son at her own expense when he's hell bent on self destruction, maybe she'll check it out one day, who knows really. I think just KNOWING there is a whole organisation dedicated to learning not to rescue addicts from themselves is empowering, whether you take the step of checking it out, or not.. 

She ends up taking only her prized furnishings and leaving the gigantic mess of dishes and cigarette butts and drug parephenalia and rubbish and...well, you know. She's smiling; I feel good because, I think, I helped her release the burden of thinking she had to clean up that massive mess (and I am smiling because if she'd insisted on doing it all, I would have felt obliged to help her....now where does enabling someone to enable fall in al-anon? Lol!!)

And needless to say, I now have a nice new desk, a kitchen table she said she had bought and was very loath to part with but had no room for...she was really glad I took it. Ad we delivered an almost new fridge to the bloke down the road who was in need, and all in all it worked out kind of perfectly for everyone

Funny how that happens.



__________________

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3613
Date:

smile  Way to work the program!



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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:

((Ms.M. )) What a lovely inspiring turn of events.  You are always willing to help anyone in distress and HP rewarded your efforts!!   A win /win for everyone --    How great is this  

As far as your questions:" I am smiling because if she'd insisted on doing it all, I would have felt obliged to help her....now where does enabling someone to enable fall in al-anon? Lol!!))  

I think you have just uncovered another" ism"--  enabling another to enabledisbelief,  I do believe I have been guilty of that myself   and will have to work on it.

Have a great day and enjoy your desk and new table



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1558
Date:

(((Ms.M)))

Always have Loved a Happy Ending for All

Way to Work your Program... Job Well Done

Jozie

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Thee Only Journey I Control Is MY Own :)

Gratitude.... Is a God Honoring Attitude! :D



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 11569
Date:

Great share MissMel - and isn't that just a miracle how your day unfolded? Not only did you get a desk, but you also got a table. Not only did you get to use your program, you got to share it. Not only did you help her out, the two of you helped another? What a day full of love, joy and miracles! HP does work in mysterious ways!!!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 125
Date:

HP definitely intervened on this one. You prayed, and you received. Not only that, but you may have a new friend...someone you can share with, and she can share with you. While you may feel that you enabled an enabler, don't lose sleep over it. It's obvious that you are a helper. She had a need, and you helped her. However, you also shared the program with her, so that should make you feel good too. I loved this share. Thank you!

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Life is short, so make it beautiful and sweet.

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