I havent posted on here for a while but could do with some advice or feedback if possible. I have worked up to step 8 in my workbook and with the help of meetings and my friend and guide the vicar, I am now in a better place having taken time out for myself to heal from my estranged husband.  He broke up with me at the start of december after I threw a fit as he had had another affair, he has been attending AA since october, it must have been hard to do the meetings, I am proud of him for doing them and keeping sober , I will always love him ,( he had the affair with his ex (mother of his youngest child ) we have no children,) we had been married less than a year when he had the first affair.  alot of things  were not right as he always sided with his ex and protected her from social services as she was on drugs.  I have already said  I love and adore my husband, I would climb over hot coals for him, but he has said we are over , he doesnt want to get back with me, he wants to move on with his life wherever it takes him.  He stated in january " he married me to make me happy and his mum and nanny proud of him and that it made him very unhappy and he was truly sorry". I was beside myself, without the help of my doctor and friends and the vicar and group I wouldnt be here now.

I started a judicial separation as I had to protect my finances as he is now deeply in debt, he wanted a divorce but said he couldnt afford it, I wasnt ready for a divorce, I was confirmed last year so marriage to me is for life. I did what I thought was fair for him and me.  He then stated as I said I would pay if he didnt contest, that I didnt have to spend money to be nice !!  I told him I thought thats what he wanted ! he replied thats not what it takes though !! 

I maybe should have tried harder, im working on admitting my faults but also my good points !! and thinking about step 8 lots, step 9 I will do when the time is right and I know it is right, however now im feeling slightly more healed with doing the steps and the group, I havent got a sponser as I have the lovely vicar whom is really my guide and I feel very comfortable with him.I have had time away from contact and am healing slowly.

The question , My husband is on step 7 at present and is preparing for step 8 and 9,  he has stated to a friend he will have to make amends with me. How on earth do I handle this ? If he turns up here I will be back to square one falling apart at the seams as it will bring everything back to reality, the hurt , the stomach turning grief that my husband has changed and no longer wishes to be my husband. its only been 4 months, he is planning on doing this step in the next four weeks. I do not wish to be horrible as to forgive is part of the steps also part of the person I am trying to become, but I also have to think I have a right to recover , take time to heal myself. I let go and let God in his mission to help me get things right, I also believe he looks after me and wont give me anything to deal with that I cant deal with, however I am not ready . Helpful words will be appreciated if anyone has had the same or similar happen to them.