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This Last Month has been an Up & Down Roller Coaster.. I Remind Myself Daily that Things can Always Be Worse, and Truly on the Surface they are Really Not Horrible, but still pull at the Heart Strings pretty Regular...
My Shining Star, My Son who I was Going to SAVE (Insert Sarcasm here) from this Disease come hell or High Water, Well... He Went floating to say the Least... However My Al-Anon Kicked in and I'm Grateful for that... He was Honest Right out of the Gate, and told me all that Happened, and I Kindly said... "Well you have Made an Adult Decision So Now you are Fully Responsible for the Consequences" and I Backed up and Left it at that... Mom OUT....
I think he Expected me to be the "Crazy" lady he Grew to know... The one that Comes with Flames Shooting out her Ears, and Screaming and Reacting... But I Wasn't that lady... I Didn't RUSH Home and Try to Save him as My Mother would have done, I didn't even Discuss it till "I" Was Ready...
He had Ask if he could have the Soccer Team over, (Which he has Done a Dozen Times Before without Issues) He is 18, and I was at Camp, and I Guess this time the Party Consisted of Beer, and Loud Music... and we live in the Suburbs... Needless to Say he got a Citation for Possession of Alcohol, and of the 25 kids, 8 got Citations... Drinking Age here is 21...
Now Let me add that when I Was His Age, I Had done Been there done that, at 14... But the Difference between Him & I is I Lied my Butt off... He Got ahold of Me Right after the Cops left, and has Fully Taken Responsibility so Far, and I Will Make sure that he Continues that... And the Kicker... I Ask Him Where "He" Got His alcohol... And it was Another Mom... :/
Don't get me Wrong, I'm Well aware if Kids want it, they will get it as I Did... But Really... :/
But Again, I have Decided to See how this Pans Out, to see if this will be an On Going Battle with My Son, OR if this Trip in the Hole will Make him Try a Little Harder NOT To get in trouble... and Stay away from the Stuff... But Only Time can tell that... He is in College, and he has told me before that he has Drank, so Its Not a Surprise I Suppose... But a Huge Disappointment indeed...
I have Went Over his Family Record and Explained to the Best of my Ability how Easily he can become an Addict due to his Blood Line, and FOO Family... I have Educated him these Last 7 years on Al-Anon & AA... and He has Seen 1st Hand how it has Effected Our Family... So I Can Honestly Say Without Guilt... (Which is new for me) I've Done the Best I Can... And Now I Must Allow him to Make his Own Choices...
I'm Grateful I haven't Obsessed or Over Reacted, I'm Grateful for the Peace of Knowing he has his HP and How he Chooses to live is Indeed his Choice... He is aware there will Not be Alcohol in MY Home again... At Least Not from Him... but Even that, I didn't Scream or Yell... I'm Allowing him to Be the "Man" He chooses to be... I See that Concern in his Face at times, when he ask if his Court Papers Showed up... but I know that's HP working in him, I Think sometimes if we are Not In Fear, we will not find our Regrets, so I'm Letting it Play its Course...
My Son is a Hard Worker and has been in an Apprenticeship program for over 2 years now and very Much wants to get his Journeymen's within the Next Year... Plus he Goes to College Full time, and Does well there... But I have Also Made it Clear that if this Blemish on his Record Effects Either his Apprenticeship or his Scholarships, HE Will be Fully Responsible for Making up the Difference to pay for his College...
My Mom Tells Me I'm Harsh... But She Raised 3 Alcoholics... He is My Only Child... and I Don't want him to be apart of that Family Stat.... I don't know all the Answers, I Just know that NOTHING My Parents did for Me when it came to this Disease was a Benefit to my Life... I wasn't Educated about it because we All just Lived in Denial... That was Easier... And Many Still Live there... and That's OK For Them... But it No Longer Fits My Life Style...
So... That is Just ONE of the Icks, but This Weekend, I Went to My Camp for 3 days, Hiked Many Miles with my Pups, Cut up some Tree's that had Fallen on our Property, Planted some Flowers, & Trees... Walked the Riverside, and Truly... Just Gave it All to God... My Program has Really Shined these Last Couple Years, and Last night we had a Great Meeting, and Even tho I Didn't Speak, I Left Feeling Reborn again... That is what I Love about my Program... If I Work it, It Works... The Support of my Al-Anon Family has been Amazing to Say the Least... This Program TRULY Can Give you Your Own Life back, if you "Keep Coming Back your Miracle Will Happen"
Welp :)
Today I'm Grateful for Peace of Mind, The Health & Well Being of My Family, & Friends, I'm Grateful My Son is Ok and Wasn't on the Roads, I'm Grateful for a Program that Gifts Me Bursts of Life, that My Life So Lacked for Decades ;)
We did a Group Cons. before our Meeting, and Decided to also Celebrate Spring we call it our Annual "Spring Fling" People Bring Snacks, and We All Wear Our Best Spring Hats, and Just Fellowship an Shine Before the Meeting... It was Nice... Every Year Reflecting on How Many New Faces, and How Many have Grown So Much... :)
"Well you have Made an Adult Decision So Now you are Fully Responsible for the Consequences" and I Backed up and Left it at that"
Thank you for sharing your story.. I really liked your above phrase. I am so new to all this and just now starting to say that line instead of yelling, arguing, accusing.. etc. Seems so easy to say but so hard to do! I'm learning though...
J I don't really understand how much I miss you until you reappear and bring your recovery thru the door. What an awesome "how it works" share and I just absorbed it. Yes it is working for you because you are working it...I wanna copy and take it to my home group the Wednesday Night Turning Point AFG...We can have you as a guest speaker...Would you mind? (((((hugs)))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Monday 4th of April 2016 01:01:03 PM
I have Been Here going on 8 Yrs... and I Still have to Really Feather the Switches... Its So Easy to Slip back into the Insanity of Screaming, Yelling, and Flipping Out... But I have Come to Learn that Doing that "Truly" Got me no Further ahead in Life, Nor did it Solve ONE Problem at the Time :/ This Program, if you Stick around Long Enough... Or Like Some... Forever :) Your Miracle Truly will happen... And its Baby Steps... We Go One day at a Time, and if we Slip, We Dust off... and Keep Charging...
I've Accepted that I'm Human, but I have Also Realized As are those around Me, My Son included... I Fight my "Inner Judgments" all the time... But in Keeping them at Bay, I have Grown to Like ME A lot more then I Ever thought Possible :) All By Walking These 12 Steps... KEEP COMING BACK :)
(((Brother))))
You Can Borrow/Share Me ANYTIME :) Because it was Your Guidance, Support & ESH that Got me this Far, Along with All of My Al-Anon Family... Just Knowing your Support is Ready & Available has Been Such a Gift :) Keep Shining Brother... Would Love to Hear Feedback if you Decide to Share :)
(((Hotrod)))
Thank you, So Very Grateful for All your Love, Support & Indeed Prayers :)
Heya (((Jozie))) - I gotta agree with Jerry - I never realize how much I miss you here until you stop by and brighten up my day! What a great share....I say that you've raised a great young man who made a poor decision. As I read through your story, I was amazed at your program but also at his integrity. I can say that my A sons never owned their stuff until/unless they were backed into a corner with no place to go. It's a learned behavior (their A father is like that too)...
So, whether it helps you or not, I believe you done right by him in his upbringing and right by him with this incident. My parents told me once upon a time that I was too hard on my boys. I had to remind them that they disowned me, and would not even speak to me for 3.5 years, allowing me to go through a slew of medical issues without insurance and support - in the name of 'Tough Love". I said my peace nicely and asked them to build a relationship of their choice with my sons, but to not pass judgement on my parenting - I was doing the best I could/can.
So - bravo for using your program, bravo for breaking the cycle of the disease in your parenting and it's great to see you! Prayers for you and son and positive thoughts headed your way from my world to yours!!
Huge (((hugs))) - you have been missed!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you So Much (((Iamhere))) ;) It feels Wonderful to receive such Love ;) & I truly wouldn't have the program I do without All the Recovery Right here on this Board.. It was My 1st Soft Spot to land 7 and a half years ago and what a Blessing it has been to get to know, learn, and Grow Beside you All... Not in Front, Not Behind...Bit Side by Side
I'm very Grateful my Son took the High road, and I Pray it was indeed a Well Learned bad decision... But regardless of its nature or what it Brings to the Future...I Pray His HP Will Shine the Light for Me to Stay out of My Own Way...And His :)
I've Missed you All as Well...Good to Be Home ;)
Jozie
(((LinSC)))
Thank you So Much...It truly Works if you Work and We are Worth it ;) Very Glad your Here an Hope to Share this Journey with you all as Often as Possible ;)
Thanks for Being Here ;)
Jozie
Thank you so much for your share! I really related to a lot of it as my son who is 17 going on 18 sounds much like yours --- he is an academic student, holds an A average, works a lot of part-time almost full time hours after school but on nights that he doesn't work he is out with "friends " drinking underage ( legal drinking age here is 19) and smoking weed which is illegal at any age. His now deceased dad was alcoholic/ drug addict, my deceased dad was a "weekend " alcoholic who quit 2 years before his death, my sons fathers dad was also alcoholic so it is in the family which I like you have warned my son about growing up but now that he listens to his "friends" and their active alcoholic parents he has decided that I am crazy and alcoholism is " not genetic". Like you I have done my best to educate him about this disease but he's now made his own choices about it based on what active alcoholic parents of his friends say! And yes some of these "parents " have provided alcohol to these kids as well as drank with them at their homes.
I am so glad you posted here . I needed to hear what you said, it gave me perspective and made me feel like I'm not alone.
Thanks again and hugs
I Also Lost My Afather to this Disease in 08, which is what Landed me here, Both his Parents & Both Sets of His Grandparents was Also Alcoholics/Addicts... And YES, I Too Am an Alcoholic... Now 5yrs, 5 months Sober... and I Got that Way Right Here in Al-Anon...
You are in the Right Place, and Many will Share Our Story... that is the Miracles that Unfold is we Realize we are Never Alone in this, regardless of How it Feels at times...
I have been here going on 8 yrs this Fall... I Hope that you have F2F Meetings in your Area as well, they have also Helped me so Much, sometimes just Meeting a Friend after for Coffee, and Hashing out my thoughts, or Listening too theirs has always been Such a Blessing and Helps me Grow...
I Have Raised My Son to Know that Once you Graduate High School, and are 18yrs Old, the Choices he Makes are Very Much His Alone, I'm Still Mom, and Love him Beyond Words, and Will Only Advise when He Ask... There are Times I Ask if he would like to Talk, if he says No, I Walk...but for the Most Part, I Allow him to come to me...He is an 18 yr old Boy in an Adult Body at this Point, but I Must Respect the Process and Allow him to be Him...
I'm Sorry you are Struggling with your Son as well, but I Promise you There is So Much Healing Here, So Much Support & Love and the More time Spent with Program Peeps, the Easier My Life Becomes, and the More I Realize God Gave me a Life too... And My HP Is a Loving HP and Only Wants My Happiness to Shine... So I do My Best Not to Give that Away Quite as Easy as I Once did...
KEEP COMING BACK... Your Never Alone, and I'm Very Glad your Here :)
