The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
At Christmas time before I really knew what I was dealing with in regards to my A, I had already made the decision I wanted to change things and start living the way I wanted to. My A Son had already moved in with his father and I was detaching with love. My A stepson had a home of his own and we were okay with each other. I decided to stop the drama and the fighting over the holidays, who goes where and when, my two kids at home, were old enough to make decisions....so I just decided to start celebrating around everyone else. I had my Christmas dinner with my kids, 2 days after Christmas and it worked out great. I decided to try it again for Easter. I made a big dinner, and many desserts, and stayed up late last night to make it nice. This morning the A son texted, not called, he wouldn't be here on time, he was hung over, and waiting for a ride, I replied ok. My A stepson called shortly after to say that he and his fiancée wouldn't be able to make it as he "forgot" he made other plans but he could stop by and pick up a plate. I knew that he had went out last night as well through Facebook and he was probably hung over. I said ok. My RAH and the two left at home were worried that I was hurt and upset, but surprisingly I was ok. The dinner was excellent. The desserts were excellent. Son showed up only 40 minutes late, he looked a little rough, but ok. I didn't hold dinner for him. Stepson stopped by and took a plate home. I didn't make a plate for him. RAH was sober. I told each son as they left and I hugged them that I loved them and that I pray for them. It was all ok. I'll take OK over painful any day of the week.
That definitely sounds ok. More often than not, its the little things that make life good. Like kisses on the forehead in the morning. Or dinner with your son, hungover or not. A really good piece of cheesecake.
Suzann - thanks for sharing....I agree - OK sounds grand to me! Glad you had a lovely day and kept the focus on what is important to you! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I think so too Betty. My oh so bitter Mother thought that I was letting them walk all over me and enabling their disrespectful behaviors by being ok with son being late and hung over and step son just picking up a plate. Its not about that. Its as you said Betty ...Acceptance. Accepting that at least they were here, this was the best they could do that day, and that ok is good. To me the word OK is not a word that you condone the behavior but that you hear and accept what the person is saying.
