The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband's drinking happens everyday. This desease is way bigger than him now. Right now I cannot even ask him a simple question he is out of it. I've gone thru so many apologies, then the very next day BOOM he's at it again. I am going to a depression group, on meds that don't help me calm down while he continues to drink. he says yes "I need to get help" and the next day it's as if he never said it at all. When and more importantly IF he is straight, I want to be more forceful with him going to rehab or detox, but I don't think it'll convince him. I know I can't make do anything, but is there any good way to talk with him?
I hope you are able to get to some al anon meetings, I also find great strength and answers in the literature. How alanon works is a great starter book as well as the book the dilemma of the alcoholic marriage. alcoholism is a nasty disease. It's cunning, baffling and powerful. it really affects the whole family.
I tried talking to my A till I was blue in the face, it didn't do anything but piss me off. But by attending meetings, reading and following the suggestions I can have serenity, I can let my alcoholics in my life take care of their own responsibilities, I don't have to be a pillow between them and their bottom.
Keep coming back!
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Kats
To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you - Lewis B. Smedes
Welcome Naomi Alcoholism is a progressive, chronic disease over which we are powerless. This disease affects not only the problem drinker but the entire family. I can easily identify with your anxiety , fear and anger.
Alanon is the recovery program that has been designed to help family members recover from the insanity of living with this disease. Please be good to yourself, check out the meetings and keep coming back here. There is hope
In my experience talk is pretty useless with an alcoholic. Its the action that counts. The changing things you can. I had to attend alanon meetings, read literature every day, get a sponsor, committ to my own recovery before I knew what action to take and have the courage to carry it out.
I found talking to my AH useless. I tried everything. Started going to Al-Anon and learned I am not alone. I know he will never quit drinking, but I am trying to build some kind of life for myself for my sanity.
Welcome Naomi to MIP - so glad you found us and so glad you shared. I do recall waiting for the 'right time' to have an adult conversation and it never happened and I no longer expect it to. This program has taught me that this disease affects everyone mentally, spiritually, emotionally and physically. The best we can do is stay in the moment, find our own recovery and then learn how best to take care of you.
The program taught me that the disease is mightier than me. The program taught me acceptance, boundaries and detachment. I agree with El-Cee - I learned I am not alone and there are others who do understand and can share their ESH (experience, strength and hope) for my awareness. I learned that my life was not over, destroyed or even 'less than others' because of this disease.
The program helped me return to sanity and find peace and joy no matter what others are doing or not doing. Please keep coming back and know that we're all just a post away!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
