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I am having a rough day today. My mom is in a nursing home and has been having some problems with her feeding tube, she stopped eating so they feed her now. She always took very good care of herself, she only ate very healthy foods and didn't smoke, kept her weight down,etc. Basically a very health conscious person. she did get parkinson's disease and that has caused dementia. So when I see my mom, it isn't my mom, she is gone. She doesn't know who I am. That leaves me with difficult and painful emotions. I just wonder why God just doesn't take her, and then I feel guilty.They have to do another surgery on her feeding tube in a couple of days and I am wondering if this is it,if this is the start of the constant medical procedures to keep people alive. I was reading an interesting story the other day about people used to just go peacefully at home in their beds,before we had all this technology to prolong a body, but not a real life. I don't know if it is always good to just prolong a life, I guess that is my question.She has been in the nursing home for quite some time now and I guess every time I see her I grieve, but she isn't really gone so it is just constant grief over and over.
My MIL has dementia and it is something to see the person but them not be there. I know it causes my H a lot of the same pain you mentioned. While she has been a part of my life for more than 20 yrs, she is not my "real" mom, so I dont think I can fully understand the waves of emotions. I just wanted to let you know I hear you, I dont understand the whole life on life's terms all the time, I just do the best I can - hugs
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Kats
To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you - Lewis B. Smedes
(((Mary))) - I am so sorry that you have added grieving and worry each time you visit. My father's mom (g-ma) was as you describe - healthy, trim, fit, nails & hair done, etc. all my life. She went from living alone into a rapid decline with dementia. She lived in a nursing home for the last 10 years +/- of her life. It was very hard for my father, and she even became more feisty and non-PC - which at times caused him embarrassment. She did not know any better and she would never intentionally hurt anyone - with words or otherwise.
I finally volunteered to be the primary POC for my father so he/mother could travel & retire. He refused, feeling it was his job, for many years and finally accepted. I had such a different reaction than him and just did not take it personally. She never knew who I was, she called me every one of my brothers' names, and never made it to me (I am the youngest, and the only girl). But, she seemed comfortable, just mind was gone. She had breast cancer at 90 - they took one of her breast. She had heart issues, fell and busted open her head and a few minor things.
I always look for the good, so my mind went to being grateful that her mind went first so she didn't know others were changing her pants, bathing her, cutting her nails, she was missing teeth, her hair was a mess and she wore pants (never did that growing up).
I share in the hopes that while your pain and sadness are real right now, perhaps you can find some peace in thinking about it differently. I dread your status - my parents are 81 and I am the only daughter. I just pray that I am given the grace to get through it.
Know that we are here for you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Great topic as I have worked in hospice care for more than 12 years and seen many hard decisions made. The power of attorney and doctor can discuss hospice/palliative care and make these decisions together based on the quality of life you want for your loved one. Sending you much love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
