Aloha Peaf...you have definitely come to the right place...this is family who has and are going thru what you are going thru now.  Stick around and read and follow thru on suggestions.   

His alcoholism is a disease and he is responsible for the treatment of it.  It is the nastiest disease to ever show up on the face of this planet and will not go away anytime soon as there is a whole other nation of people who make a ton of money from him and others being drunks.  This isn't a moral issue so he isn't being a bad boy...that he is your husband the other he who seems to be a very bad boy is your alcoholic and there is a very great difference.  Your alcoholic is suffering from a compulsion of the mind with an allergy of the body.  The disease cannot ever be cured; only arrested by total abstinence which he isn't doing right now.  As long as he is drinking stay out of it's way none of us are great at going hand to hand with it so it has always been best for me to not try...after I tried and failed for years.  I was born and raised in the disease and it renders anyone attached to it as dysfunction at large. 

Go find out if the Al-Anon Family Groups are in your area from what ever source is available to you...phone book, your counselor, church etc and then make contact and attend the face to face meetings.  That is what was suggested to me and what saved my sanity too.  Check into this site daily...Miracles in Progress.  That tells you what happens here daily...this site creates miracles for those family and friends who have been affected by someone else's drinking.  There are twice daily meeting here that you can take part in and grow from.   You husband has to take care of his own disease just like if he had other illnesses.  You can support you cannot cure.  Alcoholism is incurable take care of yourself.  Much of what he is going thru including his reactions is because he is fighting the disease and loosing the battle.   Prayers for you both.

Let go and Let God.   ((((hugs))))

Hello & thank you for responding.  

He came home yesterday and attended his first AA meeting today at lunch (first in 3 years anyway).  He came by my work afterwards and seemed to be feeling pretty positive, so that makes me happy.  Apparently it was a closed group, but they allowed him to stay and listen.  I am hoping he'll be able to participate soon (I'm still not real familiar with how this works).   I have found an Al-Anon group here in the area on Tuesday evenings, so I am looking forward to attending that.

I discussed with him yesterday how I am feeling a whirlwind of emotions and we were able to talk pretty openly without any hurt feelings.  I almost feel like this last weekend is a blessing in disguise, kind of something that needed to happen to make us take a look at some underlying issues which are bothering him and affecting us. He kept bringing up his absentee father and admits that it has bothered him lots more than he has been willing to acknowledge.  I'm really hoping he finds some answers and way to cope when he finally gets to see the psychologist at the end of the month. 

Right now I'm trying to get him to focus on the future rather than replaying the relapse and beating himself up over it. Just trying to move forward.  Not sure if this is the best approach, but I hate dwelling on what has already happened since all we can do now is try to do better going forward.

Thanks again for the support, and I will be on here reading and learning as much as I can.

Thanks again! 

Right now I'm trying to get him to focus on the future rather than replaying the relapse and beating himself up over it. Just trying to move forward.  Not sure if this is the best approach, but I hate dwelling on what has already happened since all we can do now is try to do better going forward.

Our "I" statements often show us what is really going on and needs to be changed.   I remember a page in the ODAT daily reader that was a slap upside my head that woke me up about my power, control and manipulation tactics on my alcoholic/addict wife and in part it said that I say, "I would do just anything to help the alcoholic get free of the weight of the disease ....except getting off of her back".  That one almost gave me a heart attack and then I could understand why and how my sponsor would say, "leave her the hell alone".     God does a much better way which we do  not have to approve of.   (((((hugs)))))