Hello everyone! This is my first time ever posting to a board like this. I have read through a lot of your posts and they have helped. But I am so new that I am still learning. I hope I make sense in my post so here goes.. I am 45, my boyfriend is 44. We are both divorced with a child each. We do not live together. (my choice as of now)  I see him a lot though as my ex husband and I have 50/50 custody so whenever I am not with my daughter, I am with him and his son.  We have been together for 4 years and when I first met him he drank every single day (at least 5 or more Tall Boys (32oz).  Plus he was going to bars and drinking (beer)  so in some ways I had no idea exactly how much he was drinking. At the time I didn't really notice or care all that much as we were still in the early phases of dating. He comes from an alcoholic family by the way and so do I. (although my mother stopped drinking cold turkey when I was about 14 and to this day neither I nor my sibling drink at ALL)   Anyway.. my boyfriend when drinking was/is  mean, nasty, slurring, can be physically abusive if pushed into arguing, slurs and smells of alcohol, acts overly loving and says the dumbest mushy stuff. Forgets everything he says and does the next day though. Doesn't remember to feed his pets, kid, anything. Sometimes he would leave the house and drive around somewhere and didn't even have a concept of how long he was gone. He would say he dropped by a friend's house, what is the big issue? So what if I had a few beers! Of course by this time I was yelling and screaming and saying how can you not see you have a problem! Doors slamming, us cursing, etc etc

But then he would go to sleep (pass out), wake up the next day and is perfectly fine.. ready to start the day as if nothing happened. In a good mood, doesn't to want to talk about anything from prior evening, goes to work and does his job well and continued to tell me he has no issues, can drink when he wants because he is a man and plenty of men have beers after work. (that is a big one for him, that other guys drink to relax so what is the problem)  Refused to see how his behavior is harming anyone. (said, still says, "I am not a fall down drunk who doesn't take care of his family")  Also during this time I caught him on Facebook messaging some girls, which he couldn't even remember doing because obviously he was drunk. (now my trust issues kicked in big time)  We argued about this for years and so far nothing similar has every happened again. But it took me literally 2 years to get over that.

Okay soooo.... fast forward to the last 6 months.. after years of battling with him,  one night didn't come home until 11pm. He had left his son home alone all day (I was at my home this night) and he had lost track of time because he was drinking with some friends at their house. The next day he FINALLY admitted that he had a problem and wanted to stop. He made promises to me and his son that he was sick and tired of this demon ruling his life. But Of course he couldn't stop though, but he DID cut back on drinking a lot and no bars.

In the last two months it seemed to get really good because he has been going to church with a friend (me too) and making real efforts to stop. BUT BUT BUT... he slips up at least 1 or 2x a week.  Then his whole personality changes back to the person I described earlier.  I told him that I would not argue with him over this anymore as I had in the past, that these were his choices to slip up and instead I would hang up the phone (if we were not together) or go into another room and not interact with him at all.  Of course he is perfectly fine with this as it means no arguing or disapproving remarks from me)  So my issue now is this... He is obviously trying to better himself, he says his ultimate goal is to stop completely, but that if he slips up once in awhile I should stick by him as he isn't causing any real harm.  He swears he does not go to a bar or is doing anything wrong other than grabbing a tall boy or two on the way home. (now for a social weekend drinker that might not be a big deal, but he does his drinking on a empty stomach, plus because of his family history, he does not act a "little tipsy" like a social drinker would)    Now, even if he comes home once or twice a week like this I am not sure how to deal.  Since he has no concept of right or wrong while drinking I cannot trust him when he is drinking unless I am RIGHT THERE watching. So I worry if he is lying or not, or what he might do or say during his binge.   What do I do the next day? Acting like nothing happen is what he loves, because he sees each day as a fresh new start. Sometimes he will say sorry, but of course I am steaming in resentment that he ruined our night. And if I stay quiet doesn't that mean he thinks everything is okay and I'm okay with him continuing to drink?  Am I suppose to wake up happy and pretend nothing happen too and not say a word about it?  If I am not with him I don't really know what he is doing.  OMG I am so sorry for rambling. But that is my biggest issue in ways. How do I ACT the next day?  I can see he is TRYING HARD, but even those few mess up days I just do not know what to say or do...

Please some advice. Please.