I had a little more than a slip and slide this weekend on my own recovery I have to admit .. I really only feel badly for the fact I was not parent of the year .. I absolutely do not feel badly at all for it though.  I was not rude, I was bluntly honest and sometimes other people's ignorance needs a swift yet precise kick in the butt.  I delivered it swiftly and surely. 

It was a moment that I had in divorce court on the stand where I got to state every single thing I wanted to say out loud and be very clear that this was not an emotional bid and how awful the situation had been and I believe I eluded for both parties however let's not lie or pretend about what happened.  When I was done with my less than 2 min statement the Judge gently admonished me however he gave me a knowing nod.  All 3 parties in the gallery were stunned into silence .. and I calmly and clearly got off the stand.  My attorney leaned over to me and said WOW!  You did beyond fantastic.!!  You said everything you have ever said to me about your situation and you got to say it out loud in a court of law.  You have no idea how many people wish they could have and did not take the opportunity.  She told me again after we left how proud she was of me because I was so strong on the stand and did not pull any punches. 

That's what this was like so while I had a slip because I was angry when I said it and she stepped on a landmine that she was WAY out of line on.  I blew and I am not sorry about it.  I blew in such a productive way though it was pretty awesome .. LOL .. I forgot I had the ability to express myself on a very eloquent lawyer like way .. LOL .. I used words such as lack of common sense and proprieties and I hope she had to google it to figure out what it meant .. LOL. 

Don't talk to me of change .. show me .. don't talk to me about how different he is .. let him show me.  Don't .. just don't, I have neither the inclination nor the energy to get into just don't .. LOL.  Oh sure we can talk about what he's done right ... :::I'm still thinking ::::    :::: Still thinking ::::    ::: Now I'm reaching ::::  The only thing I can think of is that he has been paying the support on a more regular basis.  So that much he is doing however I know that's not something he does on his own yet I am grateful for the fact he does it. 

I am just a little over tired and frustrated to say the least, Easter was good however it was disruptive for the kids and I having to deal with him.  I acted out which I normally do and then they pay and I feel awful about that however OMGOSH I just want him to go away already.  It doesn't help that I find out as I'm struggling that he's purchased yet another home so that is 2 homes in 2 years it really must be nice when he owes me so much back support.  I'm really trying to stay positive about things however the only thing I come back to is I'm positive he's an ass.  LOL .. and UGH .. because I am so much better than that kind of person .. however just for today I'm reaching for it and again tired and frustrated.

It looks like I'm going to try and head back to IL for a very fast trip and hope I can get the financials resolved I'm waiting to hear back from my attorney and I am NOT happy about the way this agreement is written out and told her not to send it because the wording needs to be changed.  So I'm going to take a closer look at it tonight and figure out the same way to say things, just better .. funny that I have to do her job that also irritates me .. LOL.  I'm irritable .. LOL .. probably not a good thing.  I do have to laugh because I seem to have this neon sign that says I know what the heck I'm doing and I don't .. LOL. 

This too shall pass .. I just am really trying to stay on track.

Hugs S :)