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I am so angry today! My daughter who I have been looking after has mental illness and is now just starting to stabilize. Its been a rough 2 years on different medication and just now she is getting better. She appears almost normal and started opening up to her psychiatrist and nurse and father. Last week she send me a text after her doctor appointment and said she is moving to her aunties house. I talked to my sister and she said its for a week only and we will see how she does. I have provided a stable home for my daughter and just within one day she is moving. No thought put into it. She could not get a hold of her auntie regarding the living arrangements and decided to move into a room on the opposite side of the city with strangers in a house. They have no means to monitor her mental health and it would cost her more money to live there. Yes, there is problems here at the house, the abf getting drunk and being a pain, but she was downstairs away from him. I am so concerned as she is not stable enough in my mind to be on her own. She needs ongoing support and monitoring. I am angry at my sister for putting this into her head and her father for supporting this. I feel lost and angry. I fear she will have another breakdown from the stress of her being on her own. She has schizophrenia and just now she is stabilizing. She is 21 years old but not able to do things on her own. She needs ongoing monitoring but now she has put a deposit on a room and is moving, asap. This scares the heck out of me. I keep thinking of the what ifs, but I have to trust her judgement and let it go. She has to make it on her own. I am so angry as she is just starting to get better and then her auntie puts this idea in her head that living here is not stable for her because of the ABF drinking. He has not been sober for 5 days and is determined he has hit his bottom this time. I somehow believe him. I had my nephew here and the abf and him got into a physical fight and my 21 year old nephew had bruising on him as did the ABF. I had to stop them as they went off the wall in the house. My daughter heard and seen this and my sister got the nephew side of the story about the ABF hitting him. It was both of them while drunk. My sister is so mad at my ABF and convinced my daughter to move out and in with her. She says for a week only to me and to daughter long term. Now she is moving just like that to strangers home, that have no idea how to handle her mental health. I just have to let it go and let what will happen happen. If she falls apart and has another mental breakdown, I guess the peoples home she is moving into will have to deal with it. I am done! What can I do? I just have to focus on today and my well being right now! I am so angry that she would stick her nose in where it does not belong. My sister should be moving my daughter and her father as they talked her into moving. Its not my responsibility to move here. I am so angry!
Joker, it sounds like your daughter is taking a brave step and to be honest living with an active alcoholic is to me the worst place to live in the whole world. this is based on my own experiences but maybe due to her mental health issues she needs to get away from the chaos of your home. I would be relieved your sister is helping. Your daughter sounds responsible and rational, maybe your the one with wrong ideas in this one? Is that something you copuld consider?
My program and sponsor tell me that God does not have grand-children. My boys have MH + SA issues and I understand your fear regarding your daughter and what is best for her. What I've come to accept is that the law of averages suggest my children will live longer than me. It's not my job to protect them until I die, it is my job to teach them how to survive in this world and to be independent.
My sons have both moved out, returned, moved out and returned. They've been in jail, in institutions, in treatment, clean and active. I have rules and boundaries and they must follow them to live in my home. Neither of them do right now, as they could not adhere to my boundaries/rules.
In reading your post, as an outsider looking in, and as a parent who has two children, I would be thrilled that your daughter is wanting to remove herself from the chaos/insanity of this disease. She did not choose your ABF, you did. Her actions suggest that she feels her sanity and future depend on her detaching physically from the environment. While I fully understand your concern over a possible relapse of her disease, rereading your post suggests to me that she's trying to save herself instead of hurting you.
As far as your sister stepping in, the disease reaches far beyond immediate folks. I have a huge family and once upon a time, a couple of my cousins told my sons they were welcome there at any time. I too felt as if they were overstepping their place and encroaching on my parenting/family. This disease taught me that they were actually, in their own way, trying to help bring peace to a war zone. As I worked this program, and regained some sanity, I did realize their intentions were pure and there was no malice in their offer.
Going to tons of meetings and embracing this program can truly help you through these types of situations Joker. Based on how you describe the situations and living environment, can you really get angry with one who wants to escape it? There were times over the years here that I asked my brothers to take my boys - I felt they deserved better than they were getting and I really wanted them to have a chance to be normal.
A sponsor would be of huge help to you right now - someone to process with on a personal level who knows you better as well as your situation. I will pray for all of you to find peace soon.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I am feeling so much better today. The stress level in the home has gone down a lot. The ABF has not drank in 5 days now and is determined to stay sober. I was trying to manage my daughter life and now, I can focus just on me. I feel relief. She can manage on her own..I have just had enough for now!
