The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
my studying up on these 2 words ....what's the difference between pity and love got my attention quick,I never had realized that my past all consisted of pity not love not true love but pity they were pitiful looking bad or wanting attention etc,lol,there I was oh so codependent me falling for it every time and then jumping into relationship with them not thinking about just how needy that person was and I was also needy,starveing for attention,petting,security,etc ,that always ended up in a mess ,pity and love was confuseing...........hugs and please give me any Esh that you may have I always love hearing from everybody here,I'm reading lots more these days and in the last months, it sure does help This being my favorite place to Come to.my hangout.........a gazillion hugs going out to the world in which we all have to live in together,,,,,,lu
I always fell for the wounded birds myself. The ones that needed me. As a nurse I think co dependency is a part of me. With my first AH, I think I felt more pity for him than love. He was dangerously good looking, had 2 kids by 2 different women, behind in child support with both, no job, no drivers license, no car. My codependence had to have been in high gear the day I met him. My current AH, I love, I loved him prior to his disease progression. He also had a lot of collateral issues but he hid them from me. My ex ah was emotionally needy where current AH is closed off. I find myself pushing into his recovery to fulfill that codependence.....which is something I am working on.
I do think that I too confused pity with love It is great that you have such a compassionate heart, LU and that you look to be concerned and uplifting to others.
Alanon taught me that that this was an asset but that I could not sacrifice myself for others. That I needed to examine my motives and then show myself the same compassion, kindness,understanding and love that i extended to others. This way I would validate my needs and take care of myself while showing compassion for others You are really growing . Keep it up
These kinds of feelings are great lessons as they kept me honest and taught me what I could feel rather than what I defaulted to and had no idea. My sponsor had his work cut out for him when he said "yes I'll help" after I asked would he. And then he knew and knew that he knew the ins and outs of the emotions of our disease and how they tripped up the recovery work and/or resulted in growth. The difference between compassion and pity...feeling with vs feeling for. When I was feeling with I could ride out the reactive emotion with her and not like it either and not get the "fixing" urge...I supported and let her be responsible for her decisions and choices and earn her own consequences. When she arrived at a winner I would nod and smile...when she picked another loser I would relax in patience and go about my own life. I wondered if she did the same for me.
"Love is the complete and total acceptance of every other human being for exactly who they are", taught to me by another family group sister and when I heard it, it rang true and I ran with it up to now. Its not about just trying to love my alcoholic/addict but being a loving person exclusively.
Keep coming back this works when you work it...true (((((hugs)))))
