The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am feeling stronger day by day and the decision to leave the ABF is becoming clearer. Yesterday, he just completed a week drunk. What a nightmare but I did my best to not engage in an argument with him and instead left the room to not be effected by his active drinking. He has gotten himself into trouble. Not surprised. He lost his drivers license again and had his vehicle towed and is on suspension at work. Its unknown yet when he will return to work. He is union and the union said to him this is the 2nd time you had alcohol related work issues, suspension from camp. (he is an electrician and works in camp). Others are noticing his alcoholism and I am grateful, its not me. I am detaching as much as I can from his issues and letting him suffer the consequences of his actions. His party, his misery! I did not cause it, can not cure it, can not control it. Only he has to do what he needs to get his life back on track. I see that this is the same merry go round. We went through this 2 years ago and he had to go through a lot to get his drivers license back. I am not so willing to help him this time. I am like your problem, not mine. You know what you must do! I have finally given up hope on him ever being responsible. I have to move on. I am waiting for the weather to get better here so I can move when the weather is good. We are in northern Canada and its still winter here. He is back to I am going to get help, but I do not hold my breath. I have heard that song and dance many times and he goes back to drinking. I do not believe a word he says. I think he just likes to hear himself talk and now I see him for what he really is...talk and no action. I have emotionally detached big time from him and just see what he says as lies and more lies. I have no pity or feel sorry for him anymore! I am just done! I do not care anymore! I am just focusing on what I have to for me! I am now, thinking of where to get myself an apartment! what part of the city! I am excited, he can live in his own world! I am so fed up with his sickness and his lies and I just do not care anymore. He has to get help, I am staying out of the way the best I can right now! Its a process, but thanks to this board, I am getting stronger day by day! thank you all!
Its a process and I can relate to the part of it you just shared. I do know our program works when we work it. I saw my husband as a selfish liar too before I came to understand and accept he has an illness. There is him the person and him the alcoholic. I was so angry and hurt that I attacked the person which just fed the disease. Not that I was ever responsible for his alcoholism mind you. Stepping back as you are doing physically helped me to start gaining some ground outside of our triangle. I know how hard it can be at first to do that when you're pent up with unexpressed hurt. I do think alcoholism is selfish by its nature and yes the lies are part of it too. Its a great start
choosing to step back from craziness. I hope you can add some loving self care in at the same time. Watching a good movie, reading a magazine, taking yourself out for coffee. I am known to buy my own flowers, mostly as I am not awesome at growing them though I do have hope for some potted chyrasanthemums which grew back after their last bloom and look quite healthy! Things for you was
my laboured point. Keep coming back.
