The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is my first time here. Here is my back story...I'm married and the mother of a seven year old. My husband is an alcoholic and drug addict. Her is an equal opportunity drug user...whatever he can get! In January, he decided he wanted to "to get off the hard stuff" and sought out Xanax, which he has a history of abusing. He got a prescription, 120 pills a month...NIGHTMARE! Well this quickly became a problem and then his drinking increased to excessive. He began arguing with me about everything, contemplating suicide, threatening suicide, passing out or blacking out every night! Then he started not coming home one night...then we got into an argument because I said I wasn't okay with this excessive drinking...and bar hopping...so he got belligerent and threatened to start destroying stuff in our home. Mind you he was completely blown at this point...I told him too leave! Come back when can calm down. He left Feb. 23/24th and hasn't been back. My husband lives his daughter more than anything...except getting drunk and high. My world had flipped upside down...how could he do this? He is choosing drugs and alcohol over us...this is how I feel. Then I find out he's cheating on me...and now basically living with this chick. In a month he has completely just walked out on us. He was in daughter's life every day, his daughter, for seven years! She feels unloved and I've told her he loved her but he's sick...But when do you know it's the addiction vs the person...pr do you? I do not want to throw away 15 years for an addiction, I don't want to give up on him but is there a point where I should...I'm so heartbroken and so sad...
Momof1 - welcome to MIP - glad that you found us and glad that you found your courage to share. So very sorry for the affect the disease has had on you and your daughter - it's a horrific progressive disease that is never cured but can be treated through recovery.
It seems to me as if you might be best served by finding and attending some local Al-Anon meetings. You will find others with similar situations who understand and can offer support for you during this difficult time. I fully understand your sadness and your heart-break - most of us have had similar pain. The program will offer you tools and ESH (Experience, Strength & Hope) to understand the disease, detach from him, protect yourself and sanity and hopefully get you and your daughter through whatever happens.
Please keep coming back and know that you are not alone. We are just a post away!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Welcome Mom Please understand that alcoholism is a chronic, progressive, fatal disease that can be arrested but never cured. You did not cause it , cannot control it and cannot cure it.
Please do search out alanon face to face meetings and attend. You are so worth it.
But when do you know it's the addiction vs the person...or do you?
Hi Mom,
I would also recommend Al Anon. You will be able to learn about addiction, and learn about yourself, and how you can or can't relate to addiction. We find out that we are powerless over alcohol (or really any addiction). We come to find that we can't control the addict, didn't cause the addiction, and can't cure them of it.
Whether it's the addiction or you causing this, read the above again. Addiction makes people make all kinds of irrational choices. We talk of the insanity of living with addiction, and that is what it seems like. When active, the addiction is in control, and until he decides to stop it, it will stay in control.
I hope you can check out an Al Anon meeting, and that you keep coming back here.
