The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for March 19 speaks about our compulsion to focus on other people. When we first enter Al-Anon and examine our motives we discovered that many of us have the idea that we are the experts on how everyone else should behave and feel self-righteous when they don't follow our rules of conduct.
When we finally have the courage to turn the focus onto ourselves and look at our own, motives, thoughts and actions we see that we were being neglected, because our attention was on everyone else. It is obvious that we need to make major changes.
Today we must learn to be vigilant about minding our own business. I must accept that I don't have answers other people. I don't make the rules for appropriate behavior, driver courtesy or commonsense. I don't know what is best for others because I don't even know the lessons that Higher Power is offering. I only know that if I'm caught up in what they should or should not do. I have lost my focus and have stopped paying attention to myself.
Today's reminder suggests that we grow in our ability to relate to others,only when allow them to be exactly who they are. The greatest gift I can give to myself is my own attention.
And the quote is from Benjamin Franklin; "clean your finger before you point at my spots".
Betty, this is something I need reminded of constantly. I've begun to catch myself, when trying to give advice and make people do things my way. I'm beginning to realize when I do this, which is a good thing. I still need lots of work, and I call on my higher power to help me with this! I love reading your insights, as they make me think and give me hope. Thank you
__________________
KathyRN
"A PROBLEM IS ONLY A PROBLEM, IF YOU CHOOSE TO SEE IT AS A PROBLEM!"
When my A does something I think he shouldn't do I get so caught up in him- his actions, his disease, really wanting to understand him and expecting him to be able to explain himself to me. I am working on accepting his actions and choices and detatching. I am also building compassion by recognizing how my upset feelings are reflections and extensions of feelings and fears I carry, or tied up in my own faults in other ways. Those fears, faults and assumptions are mine to work on, my spots to clean.
Thank you Betty for the daily and for your service. For me, before the program, looking outside of myself for all that was wrong in my life was my pattern, habit, daily experience. Only when I arrived at the program and began to listen and understand did I begin to change.....it's taken a ton of effort and continues to be a conscious effort to not look beyond myself for peace of mind and joy.
It might have seemed easier to blame the disease and the qualifiers in my life for my unhappiness and chaos. However, easier or not, I was miserable and felt beat down, broken and crazy. By working on me, learning to love me and focus on what I am doing and can do differently, my outlook, habits and life has changed dramatically.
By practicing the program each day, I am better armed when crazy things happen around me, which they do. The disease is always present - we just choose to treat our portion with recovery. I try hard to own my part and not go beyond that. It's not always easy, but my serenity remains when I can do it.
I am grateful that I no longer have to look beyond me for my joy and peace. I am grateful I don't have to blame the disease or the diseased for chaos - they can have that part, and I'll take mine. I am also very grateful that I can choose to be happy and let them be right - how important is it anyways?
Thanks to all for the lovely shares....glad to be a part of recovery with each of you!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
