The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been relying on this board for support and wisdom for the last couple of months. The stories and shares have been so helpful. I can't get to FTF meetings because long hours at the office already cut into the time I need for my young daughter who struggles with her dad/my AH being away in rehab. More childcare just isn't an option at the end of our day. I realized my ability to let go and detach when I asked him to leave when he was drinking. It was sad seeing him spiral but I felt free and realized on this board the behaviors I had developed over the 18 years of our relationship were what made me feel imprisoned. It was a burden lifted to realize I can't control him or his actions and so empowering to see the effect of controlling my own. It also feels good to be able to focus on me and my daughter's needs exclusively. We visit my AH at rehab and face time in the evening. Sometimes it's nice and sometimes he is vacant and only interested in talking with our daughter. I've been good about not reacting. I look at my precious child, count all of the amazing people in my life and reflect on the total of blessings I have and move on. Things have been going well. Here comes the bump in the road. We go to visit this weekend and he was really positive and nice to be around. He wanted to introduce us to some friends from group. I met all lovely people except for a woman who had to make a scene playing dumb over something during a locked eye contact flirt with my AH. My AH played along with her scene in a lighthearted way as I sat there silently screaming "GROSS!!!!!!!!!". I employed all of the awesome Al-anon tools I've learned and felt better, able to let it go but then it bothered me that it bothered me at all. This woman is a disaster. What failure is there on my part to let this set off my alarms? Worse, after I sufficiently dealt with it to the point of feeling silly for having even thought about it, it creeps up on me in my thoughts in the middle of the day today now several days later. This idea of having to deal with people he has become entwined with at rehab is eating at me. I'm not prepared for this end of things. Shares and wisdom please!
Welcome Sunmustshine Thanks for sharing your concerns. I am pleased that you have been benefiting from the shares on this Board and would like to say that the incident you described sounds familiar and I do understand your response Good news, you are Human and your feelings are quite normal . Glad that you had the courage to share them here as that is how program works.
Strange Bonds do develop at rehab and many rehabs house men and women in separate units for this reason-- It is like being on a sinking ship and reaching a life boat. I am sorry you had to endure this childish behavior and am glad you did not react. Program suggests that you feel your feeling, share them, bless the situation and move on. Being powerless over people place and things helped me to turn the focus onto myself, be gentle with my feelings, be kind to myself and let go and let god Please keep coming back .As your logon name suggests, with alanon tools and hard work "The sunmustshine"
Happy Saint Patrick's day
-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 17th of March 2016 06:31:32 AM
Good morning sunmustshine and welcome to MIP. I too am glad that you have benefited from the boards and am so happy you jumped in and joined us.
I am a double winner, and went to rehab many moons ago. Betty is correct - there are rehab relationships that can form and some are certainly closer than others. If you are there and working on recovery, the people become quite close. It's like a large, dysfunctional family at times and the longer a group is together, the more clear roles will become.
Of course she's a mess - we don't end up in rehab because we are mentally sound and well. And, your processing, as Betty suggests is normal - the whole experience is new, the actions/reactions of others is different and you are a human with feelings. Using the tools is a great plan - and whenever I get those creeping thoughts in my brain, I tend to focus on the Serenity Prayer - it's so easy and quick to help me realize I am truly powerless over others and so many, many things.
I love that you are able to see 'what's good in your life and what you are grateful for'. That's also been a great tool for me - when I am in a moment of uncertainty, looking at my blessings instead of my burdens boosts my attitude and outlook. So, another great tool is pen/paper - make a gratitude list and add to it your assets.
Keep coming back - you are not alone and there is always hope!!
I too wish you and all a Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
