Hello all,

I joined recently and posted a thread introducing myself.  I'm engaged to an alcoholic and shortly after I joined this forum we had a large fight.  I got off of work early and went to his work to see him.  He was sitting in his truck at work drinking, he works at a place where we both are also keep some of our horses.  Long story short I got mad at him, he didn't come home right after work, instead met up with his boss where boss's girlfriend works, got wasted and went to drive home.  Boss took his keys and gave him a ride home.  I guess my fiance decided he was going to ride his bike to get his truck, don't really know what happened after that, but he ended up having some sort of accident and I got a call from the ambulance that he was found on the side of the road and was not agreeing to go to the hospital.  

I just wanted to share that I started working on step one, realizing that I am not in control of his actions, I am not responsible for what he does, and I am no longer going to try and manipulate his decisions with my actions.  I did not cover for him and we both discussed the limits of our relationship.  While this is only my second post I have been coming here and reading advice on here regularly.  I am no longer repeating myself, he can either learn to listen the first time I say something or he doesn't have to.  I have accepted I can't control it.  There is no point in explaining how his disease affects me.  If he can't take the time to see it than I don't need to take the time to express it.  I was able to stay calm through the whole hospital visit and luckily he didn't break anything, just sustained a concussion.  I think it really made an impact on him, I've always reacted strongly to his actions and I think it just puts him on the defensive and makes me more frustrated.  The fact that I stayed so calm and refused to enable him must have hit home for him.  Right now he claims he is sober, maybe there is a chance of him learning to manage his triggers.  But honestly I've come to accept that I'm not responsible for his decisions.  

Thank you for sharing all of your words of advice, I already feel better about the situation I'm in and can't wait to continue working on my steps.  I refuse to become a victim of this disease.  I'm no longer accepting responsibility for his actions, and it feels so good!  I feel like there is hope for a better tomorrow!