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My partner of almost 7 years comes from a family of alcoholics. However, my partner would be so upset knowing that I am saying this as she feels that i am judgmental. To make a long story short my partner began drinking at age 14 and is now 39. Whenever we visit her family of origin everything centers around alcohol. We can't social with her family or friends without them all drinking to the point of major intoxication.
About 4 years ago my partner got very intoxicated and physically abused me badly. She did not recall her actions and I videotaped some of it to show her. She went into therapy and stopped drinking for about 6 months. Afterwards she would never drink to the point of intoxication. About a year ago we started having relationship problems and she began drinking a few beers everynight and made new friends that she would go out with and get very drunk with.
When she is very drunk she is violent. I have heard this from her high school friends about how she would every halloween get into verbal fights with random strangers and throw things at people. She has embarrassed me when we are out with my friends and been very verbally aggressive towards me and others. On 2/13 we went to a music concert with friends and she was very intoxicated. After the show we where walking towards the parking garage (I did not drink so I was the DD). She was picking verbal fights with random strangers and I asked her to please stop. Next thing I knew I was pushed into a brick wall. I felt a bone break and told her to please leave me alone. She proceeded to follow me and began to push me more, kick me, pull me hair. I ran down the street begging for help and see followed me to abuse me more. i finally ran into a hotel that had a security guard (I believe she thought he was a police officer and she left me alone). I took a cab home and she would not let me into my own home. She finally did and I locked myself in the spare bedroom to go to sleep. The next morning she was verbally abusive and clearly still drunk.
I drove myself to urgent care and guess what...I had a broken collarbone. She was texting me while I was at urgent care all this nasty cruel thing until I sent her a picture of my collarbone. So here I am now not sure what to do. I thought this would make her stop drinking but NOPE. Every time i see her drink i get scared. She admits she does not want to stop. I feel that alcohol will always come first to her. She tells me she is sorry and loves me, but I don't be this is true. I know i should leave her but am torn. Any advice is appreciated.
this is a terrible situation for you, I'm sure you are quite scared. Think about this - alcoholism is a progressive, fatal disease. It never gets better without the alcoholic working an active recovery program. If you partner is abusive when she gets drunk, without actually working a program, it won't get any better, and it could get worse. breaking your bone in a parking garage is better than if she pushed you in the wrong place off the ledge!
We don't usually give advice here, but for violence we suggest you seek help with a domestic violence shelter or specialist.
And she may actually love you, but when alcoholics are not in recovery, they are different people and, as you feel, pretty much love only their alcohol. it's not a judgment, it's not a moral thing, it's just the way it is. We have no pwoer over others or over alcohol, but we have power over ourselves to get out of harm's way.
I see you're new here. It may benefit you to use the search function on the first page and search "violence" "domestic violence" and "dv". You will find your story is the same as some members here. There are links to help on some entries, and good information for you.
