The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Attended a few f2f meetings so far and trying to let go of trying to control him...the marriage I had envisioned for us and wanted so badly...the emotional bond I had ached for. I have been in AA for 5 years now, while he is a daily potsmoker which causes an emotional wall between us. The codependency I have and not realized before is now blaring to me. I am grateful for alanon as I have been working in AA and have not had a healthy outlet for my marriage issues; I was advised by a professional to ask him to leave in hope that he would suffer some consequences, but that is not the decision I want to make at this point; I do not want a divorce and do not want to risk one either. I am so tired of being in pain because of his addiction, tired of being in pain because I don't feel "heard" and tired of being so emotionally weak and dependent on him. This is hard and certainly brings a lot of fear with this process.
WELCOME 0211 Glad that you reached out and shared your concerns and pain.
Alanon is a program that helped me to regain my focus on to myself, returned my feelings of self esteem and self worth while giving me the support and tools I needed to grow up and be responsible for my own happiness and life.
It is suggested that you make no major life changes until you are in the program for at least 6 months because recovery is a process and it takes time to readjust our thinking and attitudes. It is also recommended that you try at least 6 different meetings before deciding if alanon ins for you.
Congratulations on your sobriety and please do keep coming back There is hope
Good morning 0211 - welcome to MIP and glad you found us. So glad you also found the courage to join us and share.
Congrats. on your AA journey. I am a double winner and there are others here too. That term is for those of us blessed to qualify for both sides of the house - AA & Al-Anon. This disease, as you probably know is powerful and progressive. It's also a family disease, so most everyone is affected by it.
Al-Anon will help you detach from your AH and look upon your own being to learn about your needs, actions and reactions. I understand your fear and also understand the uncertainty of what to do next and what will the future bring. Like AA, Al-Anon suggests we live one day at a time, one moment when necessary. It also suggests we be mindful that we are powerless of others and must set our own course for continued growth and serenity.
I too encourage you to find local meetings and give them a try. You will no longer feel as alone and will have a local support group to process, grow and learn with. In Al-Anon, we keep the focus on us and learn more about how the disease reaches beyond the drinker and causes havoc. For me, when I learned to stop trying to control, fix, change, etc. I found relief. As I moved forward with a sponsor and worked the steps, I found peace and joy.
Keep coming back - you are not alone and we welcome you to the family!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I haven't touched alcohol in 20 years. 5, 6 weeks ago, I crawled back into AA, hurting and crying. I was in alot of pain. The first couple of days, I couldn't eat, and couldn't sleep. It was rough.
Now that I'm back, I'm thankful for that pain. It's OK to cry. It's OK to hurt. It's OK to lean on others, tell them what's going on, and asking for help. Pain is mandatory, suffering is optional. When we go through the pain and come out the other side, that's when we grow.
I know it's hard, BELIEVE me I do, but keep working on yourself, and try to detach from your husband. The situation you are in is dangerous, being in recovery while he's drinking and smoking. Not a good place to be.
Thanks for the feedback mirandec and micheal. I'm sorry for what you are goingb through micheal...I have been keeping up on the posts here and your situation must be very difficult and painful...butbit sounds like this program is giving you the tools and the strength. I did get a sponser so that should help. To clarify, he does not drink, I was the drinker- he is a daily potsmoker...so to me a bit easier than if he were to be drinking...but still brings difficult challenges and is damaging to my marriage. Yes mirandec been to a few f2f meetings and have found them helpful so far...the feeling that this is the beginning of the end is starting to dissipate and I do have some hope left that I can stay married while taking care of myself.
