I am working on boundaries with my ABF. He called me yesterday and was drunk and said he got kicked out of his camp where he works (5 hours from me), the night before but he still have his job. He said he is in a hotel room in the city and for me to drive 5 hours and get him. I said NO. I had discussed with him when he was sober that I will not go and pick him up or talk with him if he is drinking. I also stated very clearly to him that he needs to stay in a hotel room and drink his face off and not come home and bother me. I stuck with my boundaries and said to him yesterday, I will not pick you up if your drinking. He then started with the feel sorry for me deal and I just hung up the phone on him and said I am busy. I disconnected the cell and phone so I would not hear from him. I had a great sleep last night as I did not hear from him. I was thinking about things and he had sobriety for 13 years prior and I had ask him how did you do it and he said through AA. He has been on a 5 year drunk now. As I thought about things, I said that is it, I will not play his sick games anymore! He knows about recovery and how to access it. I will not listen to his feel sorry for me deal, talk of suicide, I lost my vehicle and other crap anymore. He knows what he must do. I see that I bought into his feel sorry for me deal long enough. Before, I would have jumped into the car and went and picked him up. I see now that he is manipulating me and trying to get me to do for him what he needs to do for himself. He is not a child. He knows exactly what he is doing and how to get help if he wants it. I decided that I will stick with my boundaries and not save him. He knows what he must do and I will no longer be there to listen to his poor me story. I am angry that I fell for his manipulation and save me story. I see the picture now and I have decided I will not save him. He knows what he must do and if he does not want to, keep going down hill. Your bottom will come. I have to work on saving myself and keeping my boundaries and protect myself at all cost from his drunken behaviors. I have stated clearly to him, while sober, you drink, I can not be around you. End of discussion! Today is Friday, I do not know if he will come home or not. My hope is not, as I want a sane weekend away from him. I now know not to feel sorry for him, as I had been doing, as he knows exactly what he must do to help himself. If he does not want to help himself, I will not help him, just stay away from while he is using. I feel angry that I had not seen his game playing before. I felt sorry for him and now that I see he is just playing games with me and using me for a sounding board and help, I will not go down that road again.

My plan of action is:

1. If he calls and starts that poor me deal, suicide talk, come and pick me up, I need to say NO. You know what you need to do and I will not listen or be there for you! You know what you must do is what I will say to him and hang up. I am not going to play his sick games anymore.

2. If he starts with I am going to see another woman, I will say, go for it. Maybe she will look after you!

3. I will not engage with him if he is using. I will hang up the phone or walk away if he is around me.

4. Even if sober, or hungover, I will detach and not believe what he says-I am going to stop drinking,, blaa, blaa. I have to focus on his actions and see if he picks up the phone and call AA, if he serious about getting well. He knows what AA, treatment centers are all about, he has used it before, many times, and I will not be sucked into believing he does not know. HE KNOWS ABOUT AA, TREATMENT CENTRES, he is just trying to get me to believe he can get well on his own and I better accept his insanity. I keep saying, the game is up! I will no longer allow your addiction to suck me in. I will not believe the poor me, self pity shit!  

I know if it were not for this board, I would not have been able to get stronger! I thank all of you for letting me vent!