The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, the week started poorly but, it didn't stay that way. I guess because my life revolves around lots of things now, not just the behaviour of one person (who isn't me).
Last weekend A came over to spend saturday night and sunday with me. He was sober when he arrived, but managed to get staggeringly drunk within an hour of arrival...quick even by his standards. His face was all puffy, his jaw is full of infection from his rotten teeth. Anyway, it was just a craptacular night. He wandered off when i made it clear I wouldn't drink with him or put up with his crap, I spent the night worrying that he would drop dead of infection and people would just think he was drunk. He didn't. In fact he probably slept much more soundly than me, passed out on the golf course with his jeans ripped to shreds and his face even more swollen from being punched by someone else who wasn't having his crap. While he was snoring obliviously under the stars, I was awake staring at the roof and worrying about him. Doesn't that just sum up the alcoholic relationship?
So it wasn't the weekend I'd hoped for and I have been craving adult company but oh well. These things don't cause me to crumble inside like they once did. I haven't had time for much worrying or regretting. Life has changed pretty dramatically really! I've been to all of my classes this week. I've applied for a job. I've been swimming and to the gym with daughter. I've done a lot of driving. I've had interviews with daughter's teachers (she's doing fine). I've been writing a lot. (Oooh i am happy to have my creativity back. So, so grateful). I've been relishing being able to walk again (finally, fingers crossed i can stay moon-boot free now) and i have been practicing recall training with my dog instead of complaining about him running off and misbehaving. Yesterday i took him to the park and I kept calling him, telling him stay, then walking away, reaching a spot and then calling him. Except every time I walked away i would look over my shoulder and he would be crawling forward on his belly and as soon as he saw me looking he would sit up straight as if he had never moved. I swear he was laughing, it was so funny!!! Cheeky wolf he is.
Anyway I'm happy with what I've acomplished this week. Happy to be out of isolation (it was making me sick, as it always does). Grateful to have such enjoyable things to keep me occupied. Excited to be entering the home stretch in my studies. Nervous about working in a non-solo environment. I haven't worked in a "social" environment for many, many years. Mostly i fear getting my nose out of joint; I never did play well with others in a work environment. Perhaps that will be easier now with some al-anon under my belt. I am loving swimming again. My jeans are looser already. All in all, there's a heap to be glad about.
Anyway that's my ramble. Thanks for reading.
(((everyone)))
-- Edited by missmeliss on Thursday 10th of March 2016 11:10:33 AM
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Love how program has taken hold and you have a life and are pursuing your dreams, even as you are interacting with the insanity of this disease.
It no longer holds you captive and isolated and that is due to your hard work and dedication Good Job, Ms.M.
Lovely share girlfriend......just keep walking the walk - it looks so good on you! May your lovely week continue right into the weekend!
(((Hugs))) back @ ya!
PS - glad you and daughter are using your new gym membership - YAY!!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks ladies I am glad of the gym membership, it's good on several levels. Firstly I have to drive there which is good as I "lose my nerve" if i don't do it regularly. Secondly daughter and i interact in a far more positive and happy manner when we get out of this house together. It's really good for us individually and as an "us". Thirdly, the sauna is my reward for any exercise undertaken. That's my 15 minutes of daily heaven, I'd almost pay the membership just for that. Best decision i've made in recent times really.
-- Edited by missmeliss on Thursday 10th of March 2016 11:41:14 AM
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
I know very little about your story, other then what you just shared, but hotrod is right. From what you are going through and where you are headed, all I can think of is one word - growth
You're an inspiration to others that are suffering. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks Michael. Things were pretty grim a couple of years ago; I was living with my alcoholic partner and trying to hang on with both hands and feet. It was painful and destructive for both of us. We decided to try being together-living apart, he with his brother and me with my daughter and our pets. I've just come to the end of my first year solo and it's been a rollercoaster to say the least. I'm glad; I wouldn't trade any of the journey or the things I have learned along the way. I am Melly, hear me roar.
Betty, there is no limit to how much time I can spend there so, if I could figure a way to waterproof my laptop I think i'd use that sauna as my new office lol.
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Thanks Mirandac, this reminds me of the idea that we need to have empty hands to receive gifts..that's a lot easier to achieve if we aren't carrying someone else's stuff for them!!!
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
As you said in another post, i don't know why you stick with your boyfriend! But, that is your business not mine. And if you decide that is what you want, then I am happy for you, in fact, ecstatic, since you have done all the work yourself to try to figure out what you want and how to live near this man, and aren't just cruising through and torturing yourself with it.
A life purposefully lived. You decide what it is you will accept and not, and what it is you will do and not. Not based on what someone else wants, or tries to dictate, but on what you want. Sometimes it intersects with what others want, other times not. That's really what most of our program is about I think. And you are doing it well, and for that I congratulate you, and say you can live with or without whomever you want!
I just LOL'd at the thought of a laptop in/at the sauna......that sounds heavenly to me too!
Ha.ha.ha.ha.ha.
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Happy that you have the tools of the program under your belt and able to rely on what you have learned and of course all the experience.
Even when I was separated from the Alcoholic many years ago, we still were friends and had contact. Sometimes I would slip into a fantasy of wishful thinking and expectations. It never lasted long , because the Universe would always show me and the goings on of the Alcoholic that I was just deluded. He never changed. The drinking always continued. And I knew I made the right decisions..that I would have gotten only the same. Sometimes we need to see it, so we can continue on our path and know we did the right thing.
Glad you are moving forward and doing great.
Hugs Bettina
-- Edited by Bettina2 on Friday 11th of March 2016 01:33:32 AM
-- Edited by Bettina2 on Friday 11th of March 2016 01:37:12 AM
Nice ramble. There's a feeling of acceptance coming over in your post. Acceptance of him and you. Brutal honesty can be tough but oh so liberating. It is what it is. Sounds all good Mel. Not placing your life in the hands of sick people is freedom. Go you x
It sounds like you have detached a lot. That's great how you're spending time with your daughter. Exercise always makes my moods better. Keep focusing on you and your daughter. You both deserve happiness and peace!
I love the Sauna myself-- Glad that you reward yourself with this.