Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

Michael72 · Veteran Member

The "Family Disease"

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome Michael I agree this is a dreadful, chronic family disease and everyone in the family must seek recovery. I am glad you have returned to meetings and would like to suggest that you might like to try alanon for additional support. We use the same 12 Steps and many of the same slogans and focus on learning how to keep the focus on ourselves, detaching and nurturing our feelings and self worth.

Keep coming back You are worth it

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Mike and that exactly is what this disease in and on the family is about and I am feeling with you. I also am a double (both programs) for some of the same reasons as you however I am not unique and the disease sees us all as chumps. You are responsible for your recovery and I am glad you have come home. As for your wife she has gotten a long list of blaming resentments with you as the focus point. If you go back to the information you have learned about resentments and blame you will come to understand the power of them which at one time held you too. You know where she is at and you know what she is doing. She wants to feel free and easy and looking to alcohol and drugs to get there along with the relationships from them...you know that doesn't work and you are not her sponsor so clearly I can only rely on my experience in the programs of recovery...Steps 1,2,3...constantly with detachment and other recovery tools we have. Great on with the sponsor...does he have Al-Anon experience? Have you clued him into what you are doing using the Al-Anon angle (which is proper). If he isn't clued in...take him to a face to face meeting with you and see how that helps. In the meantime "Abandon her (and yourself) to God as you understand God, admit your faults to Him and to your fellows...Keep coming back here and read, read, read. Welcome to the forum. (((((hugs))))) smile

Michael72 · Veteran Member

And this is where it gets tricky. When I talk to people in AA or my sponsor, they all say "keep the focus on you", and they're right. At this point, it's about how much pain can I endure. To go to meetings, meditate, pray, read, feel good, while my wife, the woman I love, develops a relationship and dates someone else, is hard to do. I understand she is sick, or has issues she isn't sure how to deal with. Our therapist, who has been counseling us both for years, feels it's only a matter of time before she falls flat on her face, or "hits the wall". The only question he had for me is, "how much can you endure before that happens?"

I can't really have a conversation with her with where she's at. She wants me to move out, I guess so she feels less guilty, but I refuse to move out. Now I find myself avoiding her. I get out of work at night, or go to a meeting, and drag my feet going home, so I don't get that knot in the pit of my stomach.

I'm really hoping to get advice on how to best approach this, hopefully from people who have been through it, because I have no idea if I'm doing the right things. I can work on myself, but I can't even look at her right now. It's painful because I do love her. She inspires me to be a better person.

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

I feel for you, i found it harder living in the
Same home. It was so lonely with him there.

We were not even home much together by
Then it was awful. I dont even like to think
About those times. It was three years of
bad and Checked out behaviors. He was
At meetings, golf course, working or
visiting.

He was in AA and i was in Alanon, he has
Been dry For thirty years, only started AA
in 2011.

Once he announced he wanted a divorce that
Was when he moved out because i refused to.
I have no children.

I had grown enough in alanon to have grown
A back Bone. He had a love interest he was
working on in AA. That was his idea of a
recovery. Eventually i moved out after the
Divorce.

Embrace your Alanon ftf meetings they were
A Life saver for me. Alanon is focused on you
Yet its also about healthy relationships.

Hugs and welcome

(((((( michael))))

KT2015 · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Michael,
Wow your post about your wife was very similar to my situation before I came to Al Anon. I was brutally unhappy in my marriage. And then someone outside my marriage treated me well and paid attention to me and I believed I got a taste of what it was like to have a real/easy/loving relationship and I wanted out. I had a brief emotional affair, then ended it because I felt guilty then I told my husband thinking that would make him see the light of how badly he had been treating me. I blamed all my behaviour on him and his alcoholism. I blamed everything on him. I was really mostly upset with myself. And I wasn't thinking clearly. This is the family disease of alcoholism. It's a nasty thing. In my case I read that book and shuddered at how close it was to my life. Then I got myself straight to Al Anon. I came to Al Anon looking for justification to leave my marriage. But it had the opposite effect. I can only speak of my experience but underneath all my anger and resentment I was hurting. I was so deeply sad and lost and hurt and felt betrayed by my husband. I couldn't even speak in meetings at first all I did was cry or try to stop from crying. The compassion of the people in the program broke me down quickly. And that is when I started to get better. But I came to that conclusion on my own. The very last person who could have helped me at that time was my husband. In fact he detached quite well from me (because he was hurt and angry) and that made me face myself and my behaviour because there was no one to fight with anymore.

I don't know if she will change but you are powerless over her behavior and all you can do is help yourself. I think it's really wonderful that you love your wife so much. Keep working your program and maybe she will find her own and maybe she won't but you can get better and find ways to cope that are better for you.

Michael72 · Veteran Member

Thank you for all the advice and kind words. It's funny, being the alcoholic, but I find myself on the other side of the street. I see my wife in pain, anger, confusion, fear, resentment, etc., and I can't do a damn thing about it.

Yes, this guy from work is whispering sweet nothings in her ear, telling her all the things she wants to hear, while I detach, let go, and distance myself. That's hard for me to do, and scary as hell.

Most people keep telling me, "Don't worry, once the honeymoon phase is over, eventually, she'll come to her senses". I'm not so sure. It's hard to not even raise an eyebrow as someone else tries to bed my wife. I detach like I want nothing to do with it, then cry myself to sleep sometimes, because it IS painful. Sometimes meetings, prayers, and meditation isn't enougj. We have to go right through the pain.

-- Edited by Michael72 on Wednesday 9th of March 2016 05:10:26 PM

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

Hey Michael - welcome aboard....great post......lovely share!

I am also a double winner. I came to Al-Anon by way of AA. I have been sober since 10/8/87. I arrived at Al-Anon about 5-6 years ago.

For me, and only me, AA has helped me address my relationship with Alcohol + other substances. That's my Step 1 and the balance of the steps have to do with me trying to do/be the best person I can do/be as the sick one.

Al-Anon for me helps me address my relationship with myself. It's skewed because of alcohol + other substances. No matter who is the qualifier here (my husband, my son or my other son), another AA program friend, my mother - it's about me and what I am going to do or can do about it/them/that.

So - in AA, I did my efforts were about learning to live as an adult/human without substances. How to work, shop, live, love, feel, grieve, support, etc. When I did the steps, it was always about me & alcohol or substances and how that combination did NOT work and what would work.

In Al-Anon, all my efforts now are about learning how to live with me - my feelings, my attitudes, my values, my insights, my thoughts, etc.

So - for me, Al-Anon helped me to take all that I learned, practiced, embraced, believed and lived by and truly apply it at the most personal of levels. This has given me even more freedom from the disease, much more serenity than I had before and a deeper insight into why I do some of the things I do, why I love like I love, why I think like I think, etc. I too went for a while without meetings (AA) and it wasn't because I felt I graduated but rather I thought I didn't have time.

What I learned in Al-Anon is that I quit going to meetings because I thought I had it under control, and other areas of my life needed me more than I needed AA. That sounds even worse written down than it felt when I became aware but what that awareness did for me was gave me the power to choose meetings on both sides when I want, and to respect and appreciate the fellowship and group more than I ever did before.

So - Al-Anon gave me back my serenity at a deeper level than I had before because I had no choice but to drill down on me at a level even deeper than I had in AA. My pain was greater when I came to Al-Anon than the pain from my bottom that took me to AA. More pain in my case brought me more peace and serenity and growth at a deeper level than I knew was available to me (God is great).

Hope this makes some sense and helps you determine if Al-Anon may/may not help you. Please keep coming back! You're worth it and you are not alone!

Michael72 · Veteran Member

I know exactly how you felt Iamhere.

When I went to AA back in 1996, I went in alot of pain, sat in the back row and cried.

When I went back this time, I went in alot of pain, sat in the back row, and cried.

Pain is an amazing motivator. I don't want to lose my wife or family structure, but the pain I was in brought me back to AA, made me hit my knees, and cry out to God for help, so I am grateful for that.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Michael, maybe working Steps 4-10 on your marriage might help.

Michael72 · Veteran Member

I need advice. I'm not sure if I am handling this right or not.

Last Saturday,she took her wedding rings off and went to the club with the guy from work. She got home at 7:30 in the morning. I was cleaning the kitchen when she woke up around noon. She says "Good morning", I ignore her. She says - "what, you're not talking to me now?" - I just walked away.

A few times this week, she has wanted to talk, but it's always the same crap - this is a situation she created and wanted, and she keeps asking me - "What's the plan?" (When am I moving out, when am I going to talk to her, when are we going to talk about what is going on, etc.)

I've been avoiding her all week because I don't want to get sucked in to her craziness. Should I just keep ignoring her? My sponsor says it's not running from a problem, because she is sick, and I'll just get myself upset. I'm not moving out. It's my house too, and she wants me to get an apartment.

Any advice from anyone that has gone through a similar situation? Part of me can't even make eye contact with her, part of me wants to hug her, and part of me doesn't even want to be around her.

-- Edited by Michael72 on Thursday 10th of March 2016 05:40:17 PM

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

I had called about apts when he started looking at
women. This went on for 2-3 years. No physical
contact with them. He was had Checked out not working
on the marriage we went To marriage counseling that
did no good.

Then he made his announcement he wanted a divorce
So he could have a better relationship with his AA gf.
He was going to a roundup i said who is going and he
Said some guy and this woman. I said really? Then it
All came out. I told him he was married and no he was
Not going off with her.

We talked the next day i again reiterated no he was
Married no dating or going away. He moved out and
I refused to leave until the divorce. Told him he was
Welcome to live there if he needed,no dating. He moved
In with his mother and at his gf.

It was an intense time, generally after divorce has
Been decided not a good idea to live together. Things
Go downhill real fast. Anger, rage, hatred all the bad
Is on the table. It gets very ugly fast.

One wants out The other doesnt, if there is a third party
Fireworks.

Those are my experiences and opinions

((((( micheal )))))

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

I honestly would work the 4th through 11th step on the situation,see my part, own it and then talk about it.
Good luck

missmeliss · ~*Service Worker*~

Al-anon by nature does not offer advice. One of the things I love about it.
It does sound like a very painful situation for you. What we "advise" is attending meetings and working the al-anon program, not making major decisions for 6 months, and keeping the focus on ourselves. And although it might not sound as though it has much to offer to begin with, after a bit of program work decisions become simplified (because they become about what we want or know we need rather than being filled with guesses, projections and expectations about what others may or may not want/need).

You know how to work a program, so why not get 2 qualifications for the price of one? It sounds like you could benefit enormously and you'd be a quick study

-- Edited by missmeliss on Thursday 10th of March 2016 06:22:28 PM

LinSC · Senior Member

Hello Michael...Iam curious in what ways does your wife "inspire you to b a better person" ?

Respectfully, linsc

maryjane · ~*Service Worker*~

I echo what Betty says about working the 4th through 11th step focusing on your relationship. Then stop thinking about it and agonizing over it. Think aboutit for an hour while you are doing the step and then give yourself permission to stop obsessing.

Also, when people say to keep the focus on yourself it means outside of the relationship. What makes you happy? When you go home to your house in a good mood, what is the reason? If you are in a good mood, does it make the whole house seem happier?

You dont have to make any decisions now. You make them when you are ready. You don't have to explain anything to anyone except yourself.

Michael72 · Veteran Member

LinSC wrote:
Hello Michael...Iam curious in what ways does your wife "inspire you to b a better person" ?
Respectfully, linsc

I know, based on everything I said, it's hard to see that. When I was 23, my bottom was losing her and my son. I loved them both, and the night she took him and left, I ran straight to the alcohol. As I started on the first drink, I began to lose it and cry. I was completely hopeless and lost. The pain of losing my family was my motivation for getting sober. After I got to AA and stuck around for awhile, I realized I needed to stay sober for me, and I was worth it.

A few years ago, my father was dying, and our youngest son was diagnosed with cancer (he's fine now). I was suffering from severe depression. The doctor put me on an anti-depressant called efexir. One of the side effects was sexual, and we went 2 years with no intimacy. I had to get off the meds and face life, because one of the worst things was putting my wife through that neglect.

3 months ago, after smoking for 30 years, I quit smoking. One of the main reasons was medical, and it had to do with our relationship.

And so, getting through some of the toughest times in my life, she inspired me through alot of it. I did the work, but the love and inspiration was there.

And now she's gone off the deepend. New boyfriend, stating out all night. She wants a separation and wants to date other guys (I think she's been seeing this guy from work since November, so this is a way to continue it with less guilt). I look at it as she is as sick as I was, just untreated for what she was going through and feeling. She's loaded with pain, fear, anger, resentments, crap that goes back 15, 20 years ago.

I'm just hoping for a healthy relationship some day with her. I'm working my program, and she's driving off a cliff right now, so I don't know where this goes from here.

Michael72 · Veteran Member

But I know I need both programs (AA & Al-Anon).

As the alcoholic in the relationship, I see and feel alot of what the other spouse goes through.

My wife can't let go of the past. She blames me for ruining her life. The "You Never" list is a mile long. She has all this bottled up BS, the anger, the pain, the fear, the resentments, she blames me for all of them, and no matter what I do, I can't fix it or take it away from her.

I'd be rich if I had a nickel everytime I heard "If you loved me as much as I love you", or every comment that started with "You never..."

It's rough for constantly being blamed for the problems of the one you love. Then they end it with "if you loved me, you wouldn't have done it in the first place"

I know I'm not responsible for ruining her life, that's why I try to steer clear of her when I get home.

-- Edited by Michael72 on Thursday 10th of March 2016 09:49:50 PM

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

Great photo Michael!!! Your post and story here remind me just how powerless I am over others and what they do. It is maddening at times, but more sad than anything for me. I see the edge of the cliff they are heading for, so why can't they?

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Mike everybody...alcoholic...addicted or not needs to hang on to justifications for what we do. "Pointing finger" as it is called here in island recovery is about trying to hold others responsible for our conditions rather then to be courageous and honest about ourselves. She is doing it right along with you...she blames you and herself and that's just how it goes. Betty's suggestion of 4 thru 11 is what I was led to and thru by my sponsorship. In Al-Anon we self focus and take honest responsibility while the rest of life swirls around us...we are getting healthier, better, happier. Listen for the suggestions and follow thru. In support (((((hugs))))) smile

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

((Michael)) it certainly sounds as if you two have experienced a few difficult challenges during the coarse of your marriage. Accepting the reality of the situation and attempting to discover a constructive way through the pain would be helpful. Talking it over and not reacting or attempting to blame or judge another might be a positive way to move forward.

The 4th Step would enable you to see the situation clearly, talking to your sponsor about what you found would shed additional light so you can see your part honestly .

After defining your responsibility and needs in the marriage, you can then decide how you would like to proceed and can attempt to have a constructive discussion with your partner about how to move forward without blame or judgment on your part.

Good Luck Please do keep coming back

KT2015 · ~*Service Worker*~

Michael,
Your post sounds frighteningly like the things I said to my husband when I was in a very similar state. It made me shudder to read it. I am so sorry for what you are going through. What I admire about your post was that you still love her and care about her despite what is going on. You have compassion for her. Yet you can see that you can't change her. I am sure it hurts enormously. Working through that pain feeling it and coming out the other side will help you. You have lots of support here, at face to face meetings and AA meetings. Utilize those supports to help you get through this.

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Michael,

I'm sorry for the pain you are going through. I recognise some of my own dodgy thoughts in your wife's list - thoughts that I fear that I use to stop myself from getting sucked into a full scale loving relationship with my RAH. That said, I have also heard my husband say most of these things as well, when he was embarking on an emotional affair.

I tried to rise above his behaviour, to ignore it, hoped it would go away. I found the pain too much and the whole scenario was undermining my self-esteem hugely. It isn't my style to stand in the wings while someone treats me badly - but in this instance that is what I tried to do. I spent hours a day obsessively thinking about it, and sometimes, when I'm feeling tired or uncomfortable, I still do. However the resentments that built up in me while trying to put up with stuff that was hurting me are difficult to get past and my opinion of my husband has suffered - which just leads to more guilt. there's that merry-go-round again!

I did eventually keep the focus on myself enough to see what was happening to me and to my feelings for my husband. I tried meditation as a way of calming my mind enough so that I could figure out what I needed to do for me. I started to learn to be true to myself first, and to let others choose their own path.

One thing that I did read, not al-anon but general advice for a failure in a marriage, was to get out there and do something positive with my life - rise above the relationship and go do healthy things that made me feel proud to be me. It helped my self esteem and probably made me a nicer person to be around as well.

Take care of yourself - it is a tough scenario, but we are here for you.

Michael72 · Veteran Member

Thank you milkwood. The dynamics of what is going on is just as you said. I realize my wife is a sick person, not a bad person, and yet I am finding myself getting more angry/frustrated with her as I continue to work on myself. My self worth is going up from going to meetings and working on myself.

With her, there is no accountability for her actions. No responsibility. I'm the one who ruined her life. I'm the one who made her feel the way she does. I'm the one responsible for her having an affair because I was "never there for her".

So yes, I continue to get better, and she continues to lay the consequences of her actions in my lap. I understand the nature of the disease, but it gets complicated when I'm getting better, and the person I love continues to bring me down as the person who ruined her life.

AA is easy compared to dealing with these aspects, especially when you really love somebody.

Michael72 · Veteran Member

Detaching isn't easy when you love someone, is it?

Laurie16 · Member

Hi Michael,

I'm getting a little away from the Al-anon in this post (as I'm very new to Al-anon), but I went through something similar about 5 years ago with my AH. He reconnected with an ex-girlfriend from his university days (15 years prior), and it was immediate infatuation for them both. Within a week, he had moved out, moved in with her, was talking about having kids with her, etc., etc. We had been married for 13 years, had a daughter, and I was like "who the hell is this person?". I was so angry at having stuck it out with him, the alcoholic, and here he was, so happy all of sudden, and I was shook to my core at how upset I was by his leaving (I had threatened to leave in the past, and this was something completely new, him leaving me).

I read a lot of books like 'getting your ex back', etc... yeah, unbelievable and completely embarrassing. But what I read a lot of was, move on. If you have to pretend to move on, do it, but do everything you can to focus on yourself, feel better about yourself, improve your self-esteem, and forget about your ex. And believe me, it was complete pretend for me... at first. These are probably girly things for you to consider, but for me this involved, losing a bit of weight, doing some yoga, getting a haircut (I'd rocked a mommy ponytail for about 5 years straight), caring about what I looked like, and just caring about myself again. I'd lost a lot of that after having my daughter, and being married for so long. I never went so far as going on dates, but I perused some dating websites and even put a profile up for about a week before it scared me silly being contacted by strange men(lol)!

Lo and behold, about 3 months of living together, my AH kicked his new girlfriend out of the apartment they had and started coming back to his senses, a little. I think for him, she was a lifeline to feeling better about himself again - a woman who didn't know his problems, looked at him the same way she had when he was 20, and didn't have the resentment and blame in her eyes that I knew I had been sporting all the time.

We have since reconciled, and my husband is somewhat trying to get better, but that's another story. I just wanted to share a little about how I know what it feels like to be 'dumped' for the new love interest. I really found focusing on myself helped me feel a little better, even though a lot of it was pretending in the beginning. It's like faking a smile. You can't help but feel a little better when you're smiling.

Lots of hugs & I'm sorry if I got off the Al-anon program in my post!

Michael72 · Veteran Member

Thanks Laurie, you pretty much nailed it.

Everyone that knows us and what is going on, our family, friends, our therapist, all said the same thing. She's angry, frustrated, hurting, pissed off, and this guy is showing her attention, so it's great for her. What an escape from reality. The only issue is, he has a reputation around the office of being a player. Married twice, divorced twice, 4 or 5 kids, spends every weekend at the clubs promoting his rap label (yeah, I snooped on Facebook, so what?.....heh).

So she thinks it's fun, it's new, it's exciting, it's what she wants. The reality is, we talk about people from both our jobs. She said a year or so ago, when a group went out to lunch, he was talking about his ex-wives, and how he gets "bored easy". So she's partying with him, drinking, smoking weed (know this firsthand), and I saw a post she made saying she feels like she's 25 all over again.

The only issue is, she's 44 with 4 kids, and told me the reason she wants to move on is, she's tired of taking care of me. She wants someone to take care of her from now on. This guys credentials certainly fit the bill.

And I do think all of this (marriage issues, kids, infidelity, detaching and WHY we have to detach, what is going on in our lives, both individually and as couples) has alot to do with AA & Al-Anon. Learning how to live life on life's terms. It just so happens, this is what is going on in my life right now.

-- Edited by Michael72 on Friday 11th of March 2016 01:16:45 PM

LinSC · Senior Member

You mentioned she said she's tired of taking care of you, is there any truth in that?

This guy does not fit the bill he is a "player", I doubt he wants 4 more kids to feed.

You sound better every day Michael.....stay close to the programs, hang in there.

Keep coming back, there is a lot of wisdom here.

Linsc

Michael72 · Veteran Member

Truth in her taking care of me? I would say no.

She works for the state, daytime. I work at night. She worked on getting her degrees while I worked and took care of the kids. Her salary is nearly double mine, close to 6 figures, so she's the bread winner I guess.

I do most of the shopping, most of the cooking, and clean the house each day. Most nights, when she gets home from work, dinner is done, and I'm heading in to work. I get home, and load the dishwasher, clean up after everyone. I wash and put away my own clothes. I shuttle the kids to their orthodontist appointments, doctors appointments, and do the running around during the day.

Here's where it gets tricky. There have been times when I got out of work late, gone to sleep late, and didn't hear the phone if one of the kids was sick at school. My wife might have to leave work to get them, and then all he'll breaks lose with "I can't count on you", even though I do 90% of what needs to get done during the day.

That stuff is not even acknowledged, but the minute I make a mistake? Forget it.

So do I make mistakes? Yes. Every day of my life.

Does my wife have to take care of me? Nope.

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

'I was never there for her/him' - that comment used to hurt me so much, until I came to this site and discovered at least five other people whose spouses said the exact same thing. That was when I learnt not to believe everything I heard!

For me, detaching is about the hardest thing that I have ever had to learn - but it was also empowering and as a bonus I discovered that I do have choices and am allowed to be true to myself.

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

Detaching is a term i am learning anew and it is
empowering Now that i have no contact, i could
not do it when I was still With him even seperated.

Truly detaching is opening up doors and windows
To look at my marital life more honestly. Its really
My codie heart and soul they are resistant and
stubborn and need some serious retraining.

I have detached fairly well from my mother and
both of our Families just not my xah. Detaching
From my Intimate Partner is probably the hardest
Thing i have ever done. There was a true marital
Bond in place plus all the other issues that can
happen In a codependent marriage.

(((((( michael)))))

LinSC · Senior Member

Your wife may make a six digit salary, great.....but give yourself credit for what you do all day, clean, cook, wash, appts, for kids, you have two jobs that is worth six digits for sure, youre rare and special....yeah u made mistakes, but u learned I bet, everyone makes mistakes, learn, forgive yourself and move on.... Linsc

Michael72 · Veteran Member

Oh, I know L.

She loves to bring up my short comings, but I tell her all the time - "Do you know how many women would love to have a husband do the majority of the cleaning, cook them dinner, do the majority of the running around, AND work full time?" I hear people all the time say - "Do something sweet for her, like cook her dinner" - I think, I do that 5 nights a week.

I mean, I'm not perfect (I'm currently at about 95%.....lol, just kidding), but I have alot to offer. I'm starting to think a part of the problem is she KNOWS I have alot to offer. Maybe that's why she keeps putting me down.

Michael72 · Veteran Member

I think I'm starting to get better :)

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

You are obviously betting better !!!!! Keep coming back aww

LinSC · Senior Member

Don't try to figure why she does what she does, its maddening stay on your side of the street, don't take her agenda....stay with your programs, AA and Alanon. Keep getting stronger for yourself, and be a good example for the kids. Linsc

Michael72 · Veteran Member

Having trouble finding Al-Anon meetings near me (Central New Jersey). AA meetings I have memorized, but when I check for Al-Anon meetings, it's only bringing up 1 a week (and that can't be right, because it's at the same location, day, and time that I go to my AA meeting on Sunday night. Same church basement.)

Didn't think it would be that hard to find a Al-Anon meeting.

-- Edited by Michael72 on Saturday 12th of March 2016 02:18:14 PM

LinSC · Senior Member

M72 post your question as a new post, you will get more responses... :)

Jaclyn · Senior Member

RE: The

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

The "Family Disease"

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene