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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Boundaries
Post Info TOPIC: Boundaries
Crau


Veteran Member

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Posts: 65
Date:
Boundaries
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My exAbf offered the second bedroom of our house (he is still on the lease) to a friend of his from treatment. He didn't consult me, and just said he did it and said "he doesn't know what he's going to do his fiancé kicked him out, all he wants to is stay sober" So here's where my brain is doing flips. I need the extra money splitting utilities and rent (exAbf is only paying a portion of rent and not utilities). Pro. It totally is a boundary issue to me that a) I wasn't consulted and b) it keeps the ex just that much connected in my life. Con. I feel like there's a good reason the friends fiancé kicked him out and I only know one side of the story. It puts me back living in a house with an addict and a lifestyle change for me. con. Actually as i type this out there are only cons. The pro is financial. The cons are emotional. It's so crappy that I'm still the go to person in his life when he's living with someone else. And it's equally crappy that I still don't know how to proceed with deciding what to do. My "me" list includes purchasing a home soon. I need money. A roommate would save me money. Yet this roommate connects me to him and could lead chaos back into my life because he is so sneaky of finding a way to be connected to me. Boundaries are hard. Even harder when the people around you don't really know what they are leaving you to do all the work and compromise. Ahhhhhhhhhh. That is all.

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milkwood


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2200
Date:
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Hello Crau,

Thank you for sharing your thinking, it is always good to see an ah-ha moment bubbling up!
I am often surprised how, when we listen, new solutions get suggested by things that initially irritated and confounded us.
I struggle with boundaries - but boy, do they feel good!
Have a good day, sending ((((hugs))))).



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Mirandac


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1662
Date:
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Self protect and stand your boundaries.

I have a nice apartment now its peaceful

Sending loving support

Keep embracing your alanon

((((( crau )))))

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KennyFenderjazz


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1896
Date:
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Hi Crau,

Is it explicitly understood by this new person that he is to pay rent? And how likely is he to actually pay rent even if he agrees to it? Your one pro is not realistic if rent actually won't get paid.

Kenny

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Mirandac


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1662
Date:
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I do not like it he is wanting to send a male in
To live there with you. Money or no money i am
Very old school, sounds Scary to me.

((((((( hugs )))))

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