The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
divorce will be final in 5mths,AH is in rehab,havnt and dont see oe speak to him anymoe. he is very ill physically and mentally.his sister taking care of his affairs. im with new sober guy for over 3mths i embrace alanon principles for my life. but do i need face to face meetings anymore. i feel depressed talking about a man i no longer am with..?
Having lived with the disease I always felt as if I would need alanon for a lifetime even if I lived alone
The destructive attitudes that I developed, as a result of coping with the disease always raise their ugly heads when I am not attending meetings and actively working the program You can go to Step and slogan meetings and talk about how you are feelings and working the stpe Not anyone else.
n
(((Alyce))) - I tend to view my program efforts as maintenance and/or preventative. I know for me slipping into old patterns of thinking/acting/reacting can pop up really fast if I step away from my new habits/patterns. I too plan to continue for a long while.....if your current meeting is too predictable, you can always try a different one! I've done that before too - just to do something different.
Glad things are going well for you!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I very rarely talk about my qualifiers now as I have learned to take responsibility for my life and the condition of it. It would make no sense as "I am responsible". No doubt there are still lingering affects of the disease still and then that's the disease and the program...all of it...still works to get me the sanity we are offered at the end of step two. ((((hugs))))
Oh and less I forget...Like coming to MIP there are always others...newcomers arriving that need assurance and support.
-- Edited by Jerry F on Monday 7th of March 2016 10:38:27 PM
I guess it depends. Did you come to alanon for you or for him the man you don't want to talk about? My alcoholics bought me here, but I found me and my same old stuff was always there. Where ever I go there I am. I also left alanon because I viewed alcoholism as an incident that had happened and was then cured. I had made myself better, see. My life looked "normal". Ten years later.......hello again, only it was more about me in the every day. Bit like prayers, affirmations and relationships. They are all ongoing. The relationship with self is in my view essential. When I neglect it, other influences creep up and define it. Here we go round the mulberry bush again, ug..lol.
There came a time about 4 months into Al Anon, where I gave a share and at the end I realized it had nothing to do with my wife. I was pretty happy about that, it felt like I had gotten out of whining mode and into growth mode. I kept going to Al Anon as much as I could, so I could keep the growing part. And occasionally I have to talk through relapses. Unfortunately I have so little time for F2F meetings right now, so I do almost all of my Al Anon-ing here, but I crave the growth that a F2F meeting can give me.
You are quite likely to the same point - don't need to talk about your ex, but now you get to talk about you. You are much more exciting than your ex!!
I realize that when I can't get to my meetings and actually talk face to face with people that I know and trust..... then it is only me who suffers. I know I REALLY need a F2F when I start to think and consider and obsess too much about my AH (who has not drank in 15 years and is in AA.... so seemingly healthy), or about "the kids", or "those crappy drivers", or "those political people", or those rude salepeople/other customers in the store, or anything else that pops up into my life. I go to meetings to talk about ME. It is the only chance I get to think about ME. I waste too much time in my day worrying about other people. I have done enough rescuing. I have given away my opinion too much. I need to only think about what makes ME happy and then act on it, whether it means never shopping at that store again, or voting for that person and then letting go of the result, or minding my p's and q's around difficult people. And then being able to "let go and let God" because I am in a very good place with ME.
